Casualty of My Particular Employment: Ignorant Bliss

Driving home from Marty's, in the pitch black manicured streets of Macedonia, I was terrified. I kept seeing movement out of the corners of my eyes, and I drove about 3 mph, my hands white knuckling the steering wheel. I was praying to get out there as quickly as I could. They were everywhere though, in the lawns and bushes and shadows, just staring at me, waiting for their opportunity, and I swear some of them were running alongside the car. About five times my lights flashed on groups of them huddled around unknown things, and they would rear their heads and watch me pass, like mafia members at the docks who have just been discovered by a pizza delivery man. Play it cool, they whispered to themselves, we know who it is, we can take care of them if we need to. Be careful America, the deer are watching, and waiting. They have gone through your garbage.

Also, the deer are clearly in the tank for McCain. Why you ask? Well, like many Americans who believe someday they will make over 250,000, the deer know that the less of them there are, the more resources to go around. They are willing to sacrifice the weak and unlucky for an extra tomato plant or two. Also, the insurance companies pay them an annual stipend share of their profits.