Saturday, April 28, 2007

Work? What?

I am now "Spirit Team Coordinator" for my team at work. My team that consists 70% of old guys, 10% young guy, and 20% me and Audrey who works part time. On a philosophical level, there couldn't be a more perfect team for me. Its like they dissected my pysche and picked only people who represented real life Bridget. The same proportions easily apply to me, especially when drunk. However, this is a crappy combination for work life Bridget, who is perpetually smiling and obsessed with getting the fuck off the phones by any means necessary, even if that means a year of decorating cubicles with paper ribbons. Because real life Bridget would like to be left alone to do her job, and loathes the idea of baking cupcakes.

Okay, thats not entirely true. I really like baking cupcakes. Which is WHY I ended up in this job.

So here's my game plan for motivating my teammates, and therefore, by proxy, myself.

I'm splitting us up into two teams, Sales reps versus Service reps. We will compete mercilessly. I'm starting us off with a contest where every time you make a "cross-sell" or a "cancel/save" (yeah......I'm not explaining that) you go and steal the balloon with the prize in it from whoever won it last. And whoever has the balloon at the end time of the contest wins it. Since most of these guys are in their second careers and should never be made to have to pin a flower on anything, ever, I think they'll like it. You get to win and you get to make sure someone else doesn't win. Very "Survivor". Plus inherently unfair, so that always makes for a good time at work.

They would like it better if I could make the prize a bottle of liquor. But HR would be mad. I just found out yesterday we can't do dice games because they consider it gambling. Which is illegal? Since when? (looks around confused)

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I've never worn sunglasses, and now I know why. I can't pay attention to the world when its dimmed. Whenever I'm riding in a car, I prefer to have the window down. I prefer windows open in houses. I prefer premature blindness to not looking at the sun. And sunglasses are the worst! I don't even feel awake, not even sober! I hate them. HATE HATE HATE.

Also, I hate that commercial where all those futuristic people are walking around and their glasses adjust to the surrounding light by darkening and dimming. First of all, because that means that ideally you would be walking around in the same amount of light all the time, making no difference between being inside or outside. Thats a corporate conspiracy if I ever saw one. Second, because its stupid to think anyone in the future will be wearing glasses except really poor people who will certainly not be affording fancy light changing ones. Fascists.

Monday, April 23, 2007

In the past two weeks, my life has been a veritable whirlwind of excitement. I went to the see the hamster races at the opening of Petco in Steelyard commons. I also, on the pet vein, sliced open my cat's leg trying to cut a mat off her belly. Well, technically Sean did that, but I told him too, so I accept responsibility. Since Buddy, who works at Lakewood clinic, happened to be there, I also learned a wonderful trick for wounded animals, human or otherwise. Superglue is awesome! Superglue works for all cuts! If you take your cat to the emergency room on a weekend and plunk down three hundred dollars, they will still use superglue! So the cat is fine.

I have watched TWO Linsey Lohan movies this weekend, and one Hilary Duff. I'm on my way to the store to buy cheap sunglasses because my eyes swelled shut yesterday for no real reason, and while I can see out of them today, I'm hiding in the dark like an injured dog.

There is cat hair in every conceivable crevice of my apartment.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Moments of change

Tuesday night changed my life.

It snowed and snowed and snowed and snowed and snowed and snowed and snowed and snowed. We shoveled the steps four times in one day, and it snowed. It stopped, and then it snowed again. Snow Snow Snow.

There's really nothing more to say about it. Lots of things happened when it snowed, but I can't talk about any of them.

So I'm kinda snowed in too.