My breath is an anti-griddle, its so freaking cold

bridgetphotos 125, originally uploaded by sharpshinyclaws.

Exciting morning.
Woke up early, took a preternaturally calm Rusty the Crazy Eyed Cat to have his manhood removed. Which seems like an apt climax to my last few days of "oh my god how does this person continue to function" posts. So no more mandated vasectomies. I'm feeling generous. From now on, only unmitigated hatred without threat of bodily harm.

Of course, my alternator died. Again. So it's at the shop now. Fun times.
And S. had to drive me to work and clean his apartment and pick up the cat and pick me up and go to work himself. So his day isn't so great either.

On the upside, last night while watching the American Idol auditions, a bikini clad bimbo, after gushing about their future children, forced Ryan Seacrest to kiss her, literally wrenching his little plastic lips to hers, and the Editors played Kate Perry's "I kissed a girl" in the background. Which was AWESOME.

Also, here is a long overdue picture of Rusty meeting a lobster.

Sometimes it's your alternator :(

Today was a weird day.
I woke up and got mad.
I stayed mad all day.
But I got a great evaluation at work.
I couldn't go to Jay's because I had to stay at work too late.
Then my car battery light came on while driving home, and I barely made it to the front of my house when the car just died. Kaput. My windows are still rolled down though, electric you know, so if you wanted to steal a bag of dirty clothes or some chicken stock, tonight's your night.
Then I got upstairs and my cable box was dead. Which is a clear sign that God hates Jennifer Aniston.
And the flu shot I got yesterday is totally making me sick.

But in my email I got a message from Kucinich's office saying I was on the waitlist for inauguration tickets, as well as a warning that these are standing tickets only, no food or drink allowed in the area, and there's an expected 4 hour wait with no restroom facilities. But I did get on the waitlist, which is AWESOME.

So, you know, it's a very mixed day.

Also, I've spent the last few days with visions of a vagina headed marching band stomping on an abandoned baby, bouncing around behind my eyeballs. I need a breathalyzer on my phone.

ALSO how is it that 30 Seconds to Mars is successful enough as a band STILL(not to mention EVER) that they can film a music video on an ice floe in the Artic circle? And how is it helping the cause of global warming to accelerate destruction by building an airstrip, have giant heavy machinery brought in, and then twirling your scarf a lot? Polar Bear Revolution Motherfuckers. They will eat your head Jared Leto.

UPDATE: Sometimes the universe isn't out to kick you while you're down, cause sometimes it's just your battery not your alternator. Even though you have a weird old South Korean car, so your battery is 100 dollars. But its still not your alternator, praise Yeesus Hallelujah. Times like these make you grateful you still live in the same city as your parents. Especially when right before your car died, you were busy screaming at the ex-boyfriend who usually took care of all your car problems.

I mistakenly got to work an HOUR early today...stupid clocks

"Secede from the rest of the beer world - Lonestar, the Official Beer of Texas"

Of course, the Republicans back at the office today are the epitome of good sportsmanship and humble grace.

Just kidding. They've been pronouncing loudly about how Obama is a socialist, how when you work hard to be rich you shouldn't have to pay for the poor, and how this country was not founded on the principle of giving everyone a free education.*

I just want to walk up to them and say "I don't care about what you have to say about this. Because you lost."

But luckily I have the girls next to me, who are all very excited. And tonight I finally get to go to a post-election party. So hopefully I can get past all these bad feelings from the last week, and get my hope back goddamnit. I just need a little shot of happy liberaldom** to get me through today. Also a t-shirt that says "I come from a Blue State."

Mid-Day Addendum: I have so far had 2 claims of vandalism (keying and tire slashing) from people who got targeted because they had Obama stickers on their cars, on college campuses.

Also, I just took off for the Inauguration Day 2009, I'm totally going to Washington, who's with me?



* Kids who can't afford it don't deserve an education because their parents are obviously failures.
** As if such a thing existed. It's possible I may be equating liberaldom with Crown Royal.

Casualty of My Particular Employment: Ignorant Bliss

Driving home from Marty's, in the pitch black manicured streets of Macedonia, I was terrified. I kept seeing movement out of the corners of my eyes, and I drove about 3 mph, my hands white knuckling the steering wheel. I was praying to get out there as quickly as I could. They were everywhere though, in the lawns and bushes and shadows, just staring at me, waiting for their opportunity, and I swear some of them were running alongside the car. About five times my lights flashed on groups of them huddled around unknown things, and they would rear their heads and watch me pass, like mafia members at the docks who have just been discovered by a pizza delivery man. Play it cool, they whispered to themselves, we know who it is, we can take care of them if we need to. Be careful America, the deer are watching, and waiting. They have gone through your garbage.

Also, the deer are clearly in the tank for McCain. Why you ask? Well, like many Americans who believe someday they will make over 250,000, the deer know that the less of them there are, the more resources to go around. They are willing to sacrifice the weak and unlucky for an extra tomato plant or two. Also, the insurance companies pay them an annual stipend share of their profits.