Top Chef Recap: Is It Supposed to Feel This Empty?

When last night’s episode ended, I immediately wanted to post a recap. Only one sentence: Thank you Tom for keeping Stefan.

But then I realized that a) it would be rude to abandon my friends for the computer immediately, and b) that’s not a very compelling commentary, although it pretty much sums up the episode. Oh, and c) I would miss the Daily Show. Plus d) I was pretty drunk at that point and should probably just finish my glass and go to bed and worry about my geeky little blog tomorrow.

So now I’m a bit more clear-headed, let’s see if I can make this a bit more interesting…

There’s only five chefs left; Leah (no), Hosea (double no), Stefan, Fabio, and Carla. I’m a little more excited about a finale with those last three than I’ve been through this entire season, but there’s no one I’m really rooting for. If any of those three win, I’m good. But first we have to get to the top three, which means Leah and Hosea have to go. Leah is easy to get rid of, but Hosea might prove a little more challenging, and I’ll be heartbroken if he beats Stefan. He’s always smirking around him, and saying snide little things, and even though he has a great “I love Padma” shirt, I really don’t think he’s good enough.

At this stage in the competition, the producers bring out the big culinary stars. Eric Ripert was the beginning last week, and this week they brought Wylie Dufresne out from the underground lab where he’s been hiding out, trying to animate a piece of broccoli. He transports himself to the Top Chef Kitchen, and materializes in his chosen costume of Comicon Director. Then he tells us, for the first of 14 times this episode, how much he loves eggs. God, Wylie loves eggs. He loves breakfast, he loves eggs, he loves eggshells, and he loves yolks and runniness. He dreams of ostrich, albatross, carrier pigeon eggs. He longs for the comfort of his own special birth egg, the warm darkness and the curve of the shell cold against his skin. Wylie has a thing for eggs.

So the chefs have to make an egg dish for him, and since he’s Mr. Wizard, they all try and do quick clever things. Except for Carla, who makes green eggs and ham? A lame little joke that has been done about five times on this show. But it must have been the best green eggs and ham ever, because it beats out Stefan’s “pretend poached egg” panna cotta with mango puree in the middle to simulate yolk. Anyway, she wins. The local viewing audience thinks this is pretty lame.

For the main challenge, every chef is assigned a famous culinary superstar and has to cook their requested last meal for them. Leah gets Wylie, who requests eggs benedict. Carla gets Jacque Pepin, and almost wets herself over peas and squab. All the meals are pretty simple in fact, shrimp scampi, roasted chicken. Who requests roasted chicken as their last meal?

The exciting things that happened are as follows:
- All the guest judges sit at a long table in an empty room, and get the weird Barbara Walters interview lighting treatment. Everyone has an aura. It’s annoying and distracting, and they probably did it because all the judges were so old.
- Fabio breaks his finger. He declines going to the hospital, saying that he will instead “chop it off, sear it on the flat top, and serve it.” He has a lot of trouble peeling potatoes, but pulls it through and actually wins the challenge. For his reward they give him a giant bottle of wine to pair with his painkillers. By the end of the episode, he’s so hopped up; he’s standing on chairs and yelling about immigrant achievements.
- Carla’s peas are apparently great, and now I want peas really badly.
- Leah makes her hollandaise too runny.
- Stefan overcooks his fish.


So the bottom two are Leah and Stefan, and those tricky editors, they really made me think it was over for the Great White Threat from the North. I mean, it was nothing but “wow the salmon was overcooked” and “I couldn’t even tell there were 2 kinds of spinach”. It looks really bad for him, and all of us in the room are sitting on the edge of our chairs, praying that it’s a trick and Leah goes home. The only glimmer of hope is when Tom decides to stand up for Stefan, apparently to thank us fans for putting up with the crap this season. I heard him say that, right before he asked the chefs to not embarrass him in front of Pepin.

Well, looks like Tom is really running the show, because finally Leah goes home, Stefan stays, the rooms screams in joy because we really like screaming at this show, and hope and joy is restored to the universe.

When this show is over, I’m totally going to start going to Prosperity Karaoke.