Salsa, Corn, and Economics: Why Living in Cleveland in Winter isn't the WORST thing ever

First of all, if I had no news channels or internet, I would not know there was a recession in Cleveland. Because technically we've been in a recession for like, thirty years.

Oh wait, you thought Obama was going to fix everything? Well unfortunately, just like Jesus, Obama can’t make people unselfish and he can’t kiss them and turn them from fat cat piggies (alright, I realize how lame that phrase is) obsessed with their own money into sweet universal health care advocates. It would be nice. But he’s not going to fix anything by trying to include them, because they don’t want to be included. Remember that lousy class partner you had in school that just had the very worst idea for your Thanksgiving presentation, and you knew yours was ten times better, but the teacher insisted you had to work together? And then the presentation sucked, except for the three paragraphs you wrote about corn? Yes, it’s true that Republicans live here too. However their party sucks, and their policies suck, and their whole general idea of what America should be is at odds with the liberals. So seriously, if they refuse to work with us on this, screw them.* Also, I’m going somewhere with this corn thing. Remember that.

So, I am a little disappointed in Obama for not being more forceful on this. But I understand why he’s trying to get them all involved. He doesn’t want to alienate them right out of the gate. You just can’t be nice and popular with everyone in this political climate. Right now, the parties are opposed on fundamental things, like whether or not we should spend money on children or tax cuts. And whether or not the Republican voting base is a bunch of lead poisoned idiots who have no foresight, or they just get played that way on TV by the cancers of Fox News. Or maybe just the liberals are arguing about that.

What I’m trying to get at here is today’s political climate is a lot like a good salsa. It’s a little sweet, very hot underneath, and it’s definitely not an entrée. It may look one way, and taste completely opposite. Also, people are very particular about the way it’s made.

This is a lame segue. I just wanted an excuse to post my two favorite salsas, because it’s awfully cold outside, politics is depressing, and I crave this stuff. I’m one of those girls who CAN follow a recipe, but really prefers not to. I think cooking is the most fun when you’re just experimenting, which is why I tend towards things like braised meats, poached fruit, ice cream, and pies. Once you have the fundamentals down on these foods, you can come up with any combination you like and have very little chance of fucking it up. Salsa is a play-doh food.

I used to think salsa was nasty, pureed stuff that tasted too much like tomato paste. Johnny Mango’s was the first place to really turn my head, with fresh, very simple salsa. I mean, it was basically diced tomatoes, onion, and cilantro. Problem is, I’m not a big fan of tomatoes. I hate them cooked, I like them okay raw, but I will substitute them if I can. The only time I really use them is when they are the good ones from my mom’s garden.

So I started making salsas out of anything but tomatoes. And that brings us to my two biggest hits this year, corn salsa and pineapple salsa. What follow are basically ingredient lists, because seriously, do you need directions on what to do next?

Bridget’s Liberal Corn Salsa, Guaranteed to Stimulate

2 pounds frozen corn (please cook this before using. please. Please be smart enough to have realized this.)
2 large red bell peppers (chop them.)
½ a large red onion (chop this.)
3 decent sized jalapeno peppers (chop that.)
3 tbps. Lime juice
2 tbps cumin
1 tbps salt
1 tbsp black pepper
½ cup chopped cilantro
1 tbsp chopped garlic

Bridget’s Wintry Pineapple Salsa : How to Pretend You Don’t Live In Cleveland
(Seriously, this stuff is SO good, I kinda hate making it for people because they keep asking for it. One girl at the office has been literally pestering me for months. And I sent her the recipe. I said,"just make it yourself". Still...)

2 large cans crushed pineapple (drain most but not all of the juice)
2 small cans mandarin orange segments
3 red or orange bell peppers
1 cup chopped cilantro
4 large jalapenos
3 tbsp cumin
2 tbps hot red pepper
2 cloves garlic, crushed
Approx 1 tbps each salt and pepper, to taste
2 tbps brown sugar
1 large red onion, chopped


The whole point of salsa is it’s a salad of fresh cold hot stuff. Onion, cilantro, jalapeno, and cumin are my starting points. After that, it’s whatever you want. And if you’re not such a huge fan of cumin as I am, maybe start adding about half of the suggested amount, and building from there.

Since I’m thinking about corn now, here’s an extra recipe for creamed corn that I adapted from Rudy’s Barbecue in TX. I guess it’s more seasonally appropriate.

Austin Creamed Corn

2 lbs frozen corn (fresh would have probably been better, but you know, it’s February)
11/2 package creamed cheese
1/2 stick butter
2 cups whipped cream
1/4 cup sugar
Salt and pepper, to taste

Combine all items in a crock pot, adding corn last. Cook on low till melted, which is at least 5 hours maybe more, depending on your crock pot. I used the baby crock pot at Mom’s house. It thickens as it cools, but still thinner than what we had in Texas. I think I'm missing corn starch, but this turned out really well. And ta da! That's it. I was afraid it would be too sweet, but the whipped cream doesn't add as much sweetness as you would think.

Now I'm gonna go eat my cold cold yogurt and cookies for lunch... :(




*I say that like I’m actually writing the bill, ha!