Friday, February 5, 2010

The Evil Sheep Man Took My Baby, and Buried It in the Permafrost

So, some cat news. Yippee.

1)We have finally consolidated litter boxes in my house. I was worried, because I had heard two cats should always have two boxes, and these particular two cats try to assassinate each other nightly. But then I observed both cats, on two separate occasions, DIVIDING UP THEIR WASTE between the boxes. Like, peeing in one, then going in the other to poop. And then going back to the first one, just to maybe pee some more, probably just seeing if there was anything to shake out. So I decided that instead of murdering my cats, which was the first impulse, I would just take one box away and they will learn to deal. Which they have, handily. They are lucky I am counting on them to dispose of my body when I die, because otherwise they are USELESS.

2) the picture below is what Nina has done to my shower curtain. And by curtain, I mean, the curtain for the window in the shower. Why are there always windows in showers in old houses? There is a whole wall without a window in my bathroom, why couldn't they have put the shower there? Now everytime I take a shower at night, I feel like my next door neighbors can see everything, even though I would only be a blurry blob thanks to the frosted glass. However that's MY blurry blob, and I don't think the lady next door needs to see it. Or wants to. Also, she now knows how often I shower and how much I hate the Earth. It's bad enough that I keep my garbage on my upstairs back porch, so the possum can't get to it. Now she thinks I'm a possum starver and a water waster. Nina's favorite game is to hide out in the shower and jump through the shower curtain to attack you when you sit down on the toilet. Or to try and climb up the shower curtain, a feat she has yet to succeed at, but I imagine her final purpose is aerial attack. Good for her. Points for determination. She is also very fond of trying to get in every kitchen cabinet I own, but exceedingly bad at it, so that really it's just her banging the damn cabinet door for an hour while I throw stuff at her from my computer.


I was terribly sick yesterday. Migraine, cold, nonstop phlegm, ect. It's because my "time" is coming up, and instead of getting cramps, I get terrible sensitivity to smells and mega-allergies and pizza face. Not to be crass, but lets just point out that being really sensitive to smells and bleeding from your nether regions do not really go together well. Hence my vendetta against our species fresh water supply. Luckily, by chance, I had an ample supply of alcohol. Does alcohol deaden allergies? Cause I feel like it does. Someone find out for me. Then keep it from me.

Buddy turned me on to these vegetable steamer packets at the grocery store, and now I'm in the habit of just eating a whole one for lunch every day. For instance, below is my lunch from yesterday. And listen, even though eating a bunch of broccoli and only broccoli, sounds super awesome healthy for you, it's not. As you can see, it's coated with processed cheese sauce. It's like Kraft box Mac and Cheese, only camouflaged. And the corn I'm going to eat today might as well be covered in movie theater butter. But it feels like I'm doing something good. That's what really counts, right?


Everything is pretty good though. It's all settled into a winter routine. Movies, and tv, and food, and bills, and stresslessness. I still itch for exploring, but no one will go with me because it's so cold (and they are all wussies), so I'm saving it all up for the first hint of Spring. It's snowing intermittently, the Boy is coming over tonight to watch a movie, and the groundhog apparently saw his shadow, so whatever, it will be Winter forever. It can't touch me. I have control over my inside crazies, I am storing them up in safe secure emotional bunkers to use as reserves when the grass starts to grow. God, I even vaccuum on a semi-regular basis now.

Now if only we could teach Carly to control her crazies, and use them for good, instead of this. Do not skip this. Watch it. All of you people who tell me you just don't pay attention to politics, because what's the use? THIS IS THE USE.

I fucking love people. You are all batshit insane.

P.S. I totally call that Halloween costume for next year.

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