Find the letter thats two to the left of the letter thats three down from the letter across the letter thats 5 above the letters F and U

Last night Tara and I went to the vegan bar to take their annual IQ test, which is the most brilliant bar event idea ever. You know what was brilliant about it? Everything. The waiting until, when you're nervously talking about how much you're gonna suck at it. The moment when she passed out the little yellow booklets with IQ TEST across the cover, and a place to fill out your name just like in school. The two hours in which everyone in the really crowded bar sat silently, tapping their #2s on the bar, their drinks, their neck. The occasional murmurs from test takers about "oh my god this is so hard" "why did I do this?" "I feel so stupid now". The mere fact of being in a room with a bunch of kids voluntarily submitting themselves to a test on a Friday night. The whole test taking vibe, I dig it.

The fucking test was hard yo. First of all, NOT multiple choice. Write in only. A lot of math too, so you know, WRITE IN MATH. You know what I suck at? Math. It took me pretty much the whole 90 minutes for 40 questions, and I skipped 5 of them completely, also I wrote "Stab" and "Cum" as answers to two of them which I'm pretty sure was not correct. There were some I was just plain embarrassed not to get. Like, find the matching words that mean the same as this phrase : "Measurable bulk amount of grass fodder". I couldn't get "bale of kale" out of my head, or "bay of hay". I have no idea what the right answer is, one of you smarties tell me. I loved all the "what shape is missing from this graph" or "what picture has the most in common with these pictures" questions.

Finally, minutes before the proverbial timer, I gave up, handed it in, and ran outside to have a cigarette. And now everyone was comparing questions and answers, and there was a sense of camaraderie you used to feel about term exams in school, where you talked to people for the first time that you never talked to in class. Everyone recounting their hardest questions, and the ones that blew their minds, and the questions they were really proud of themselves for figuring out. Did I mention I love taking tests?

I did horribly though. I got 15 out of forty. Not even average. Below average (which was 20). Tara beat me, though not by that much. But some people got in the upper 20s and I think a few in the 30s, and darlings I salute you! Last years winner I think only got one or two more than me, so that made me feel better, especially since I talked to him before briefly, and he didn't seem like a lead poisoned freak, so I think it's safe to assume that I'm not either. Look, I can walk and talk and function in public! It's a miracle, considering...