Oh 2009, how very unaware I was of you, until it was too late. And then I didn't care anymore.

New Years and my birthday are the two holidays I love the most. I think they hold for me the same sort of religious significance other people attach to Christmas or Easter. They mark the passage of time, which to me is this fucking miracle, that our planet is revolving and the solar system is moving and the joints of the universe continue to work in still mysterious harmony.



When I turned 30 this year, I had the pangs. They were there. They were mostly associated with the slow and tortuous death of a relationship which I had really loved and depended on, despite it's resemblance to an after school special at points. But even when you feel time starting to flex it's icy fingers, its still pretty cool to realize you've been alive for 30 years. 30 years. The 80s, the 90s, now the Aughts or whatever it is we're going to name them. And when I turn 31, it will be cooler. And 41, cooler still. Because I'm alive and not broken down and the apocalypse hasn't happened, and we are reminded every New Years that we are living human history.



I also had my camera this year, and Jere, and old buildings. How secure going to these places made me feel. Like an individual again. Like a thinker. Like someone capable of creating good things.



2009 was the year the internet and I got married. It was a long courtship. I've had a blog since November 3rd 2001. Here's my very first entry, my first imprint online, like a baby step:

The day I finally fell permanently out of the nest
Time: 8:23 pm.
Excepting of course unforeseen circumstances like bankruptcy, mutilation, running from the cops, ect...
I finally got my own apartment. It only took me twenty two years of being strangled by an umbilical cord to get it through my thick skull that I don't want to live with anyone else. So it's tiny, and...tiny, but its mine all mine and I can walk around naked as much as I want. After I get curtains. Okay, I know a first entry is supposed to be long and all, but I have to go unpack, so we'll talk later.

Funny how I had to relearn that particular epiphany like three more times. So this decade is when I started dating the internet, and then finally last year it proposed to me with a camera and a new site called Facebook and here we are. Ta da.

Fuck facebook, the really influential site of the decade was Livejournal. I mean, it's dead now, we all know that. But it was it, when it was the thing to be.



So now it's 2010 and I blog, twitter, and check my facebook page twenty times daily. My presence is seeded through out the regional webs like a small field weed. You are all there too, in little hidden spots. It is completely normal and natural for us all to type our daily feelings into mechanical windmills and scatter it for whoever will listen. And all those old arguments have been voided. It will shorten our attention spans - Not mine. I write and read more now than I ever did. It will ruin our relationships - I have more real life friends now than before, I'm more open and comfortable with people because I feel like the expectations are easily set. It is creepy to get with someone online - whatever.

I also like the fact that I think my digital world holds me to a more honest standard. It motivates me to actually be more interesting and do more interesting things. It encourages me to tell the truth, which means I should make a truth I'm willing to tell. Say whatever you want about assholes and liars online, in the future Your Online Morality is going to be a real, teachable thing. And we are caught in the birth of it now. That transition from creepy quirky geeky Web to shiny smooth social media digital community, that happened in the last decade. It should be what we all remember about the Aughts. Fuck, I hate that word.



I'm still fat. I'm still dirty. I'm still drinking more than I should, and overdrafting my bank account, and not being the most reliable friend when it comes to plans. I have a car, but it's so filthy, it doesn't really count as an accomplishment.



I have another fucking cat. God.



But I'm not as slutty, and I wear more appropriate clothes, and I don't slather 5 pounds of makeup on ever day. I've gotten really good at not crying. I don't get a crush on EVERYONE.



I'm not pregnant. I'm not desperate. I don't live in Phoenix. I find time to write. I get really interested in things, lots of things.



So these are all improvements. It's all one can ask for.



I think it is a successful year when you are so engrossed in it, that it goes really really slowly. I barely remember 2008, it feels like 2009 has been happening forever. I feel good about this.