Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Ear Eels are totally a real thing.

my irreplaceble boss has this way of making me drop what im doing to work on a task, saying "...didn't I tell i would give you this" or something and then running away to a conference call or some other little crisis in the office. Is this normal?

I'm confused as to why your tone suggests that you could have your boss fired, and yet choose not to, because they're so valuable.

Is your boss irreplaceable because he/she knows how to spell irreplaceable?

People don't just run away to conference calls or crises. Unless they are a superhero. Is your boss wearing suspiciously thick glasses to hide their superior physique? Do their office clothes resemble an outfit from Mad Men? If so, you might want to consider falling in love with them to protect yourself when the Big Bad Aliens come to town. But don't have sex with them, or your vagina might be blown out by their super sperm. I don't know what the male equivalent of this would be? Squeezed to death by their super vag?

Otherwise, your boss is probably doing regular boss stuff. And listed pretty high among regular boss stuff is "giving your underlings work to do." So you should probably just do it and be thankful you have a job. Unless they ask you to guard some seemingly worthless trinket with strange alien cryptographs on it. Or look directly into their eyes.

Are there any questions you've received thus far that you haven't answered and, if so, why?

My secrets safe, in my secret safe, on my secret base.

In 100 years, what currently endangered species will have made such a comeback as to be considered a dangerous nuisance?

This is a hard one.
On one hand, the albatrosses are totally coming for us.
On the other hand, the Alabama Leather Flower is way funnier. Alabama. Leather. Flower.
Tough as an alligators tongue, soft like Paula Deen's right pinky.

And of course, there's always Dave Matthews.

How do I stop the morons around me from liquefying my brain? FYI: I'm outnumbered

Moron, people can't liquefy your brain. Only ear eels can do that.

I mean, unless you've watched too much Real Housewives. Which is a proven method of waking up the North American ear eel from it's hibernation.
In which case you should start wearing a helmet and carrying a broken bottle tied to a broomstick, to keep them from getting too close to your sweet strawberry skull slushie. They will all leave you alone then. And you will have more time to watch Bravo.

FYI Jersey Shore makes it pistachio flavored.

Ask me anything

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