Saturday, January 9, 2010

The world is out to give you tetanus no matter where you are...

should i change my direct deposit from First Merit Bank to Chase? They're teasing me with 125 bucks in the account or a $150 gift card, but I gotta hunkering something will fuck up.

Short answer: something will fuck up. But that's true whichever bank you stay with. Banks exist to fuck things up.

You should tell Chase that if they really want your business, they will donate that 150 dollars to buying a cow or building a well in some poor African country where the very idea of this question is as ethereal as me asking if I should build my castle on the moon or the bottom of the ocean?

I wish some bank would start doing that all the time as an incentive. I think it would totally work. It's not like you really need another gift card to Starbucks. And in fact it would make you feel better about buying other stuff, right?

When you break into old abandoned buildings, are you more afraid of getting caught, breaking an appendage, falling through the floor, finding a dead body or getting tetanus?

The one thing I am afraid of you didn't put on that list: running into someone who lives there. I'd be a)mortified, cause it's so rude and b)really upset when they stole my camera.

All that other stuff is kind of silly. I'm actually afraid of those things all the time, in the regular world. So it doesn't matter where I am. I am on a long term mission to not get caught.

What can I do to improve the flavor of Starbucks coffee? I hate it. But I'm at work, and I got it for free, and I want caffeine.

I would suggest adding motor oil, since you are obviously a robot with no real taste buds.

Also declaring your hatred of Palestine might work.

Ask me anything

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the answer (re tetanus, etc.) -- I hope you don't get caught too. Or bump into a resident.

    ReplyDelete

Who wants to fuck the Editors?