Sunday, November 28, 2010

Saturday's Questions are starting to think if this trend continues, they'll be Friday questions again in no time

Did you ever read the Dune books? I'm reading them right now. Seems like a lot of homophobia and sexism are in them. Curious if you've ever read them.

I've read the first one, which I guess is actually the third one, which is secretly the 15th one, which unlocks the big boss on the 17th level. I gotta say, I didn't get a lot of homophobia and sexism, but its possible I just sorta expect that from old fantasy scifi so it no longer registers in the part of my brain trying to pronounce the names properly in my head. I liked it. I wasn't stricken with a need to read it ten million times like the Ender series. Ender's Game is just plain pure gold, is what it is. Plus I have a history with an unfortunate nickname for part of my lower back which an ex gave me based on those books, which when we were together I thought was cute but in retrospect I think I just allowed it because it was a literary reference of any sort which was uncommon from him. Also, he may have gotten it from the movie and not the book. I'm never dating a non-reader again.

Is there an etiquette of revenge?

If you have to ask, you probably don't want it badly enough. Revenge is not something you vet through other people. It's something you do secretly and surely, or not at all. Though I would suggest that with revenge, like suicide, you give yourself test cuts to be sure you can go through with it.

My boyfriend told me he has the biggest crush on me today. Am I all that or what?

That's cute. Shouldn't you be asking him that? But let's move on to your second statement, which extremely colors my opinion of you in this first one. And significantly changes the tone of this first question.

My boyfriend is married, BTW. And I don't care.

Yeah see, there is exactly one situation in which it's okay to have a boyfriend who's married, and that's when he's married to you. In which case, adorable.

And before I get that whole "but he's in the middle of a divorce" excuse, let's just straight away get to the part where that makes you the rebound girl, and if you're cool with that, fine, but recognize your place. By divorce I mean, he lives away from her, they've been separated for a while, and it's just a matter of already filed paperwork going through. Which is not a situation I would be in, but that's because I don't like weak vulnerable people so I would never date someone with an entire train car of current emotional baggage like that. Also, I don't really ever want to date someone who had been married already once, because a) I'm young enough that's it means they got married way younger, and that makes me doubt their intelligence and at the very least what we could possibly have in common, and b)it's a major difference in values between us. Some guy told me once that he thought if you hadn't been married by 30, there was something wrong with you. I think exactly the opposite. I think if you get married before 30, then there's something rotten in Denmark, stinking up the rafters. There's a part of your life you just gave up for no reason. That's harsh though, and that's just me. I'm a harsh judgy person.

If he's not getting a divorce, then no dice. You're doing a bad thing. No matter the insignificance you place on his marriage, he was the one who believed in it. Helping anyone break a promise to their partner makes you just as guilty. I don't believe in marriage itself, but I certainly believe in commitment, and I believe in solidarity between women. Even if he tells you she's a bitch and a horrible person ect ect, he married her. He made a promise to her. And he needs to deal with that directly, and not in some passive aggressive way by sleeping with someone else as a way of coping. Also, he married that horrible bitch, so what does that say about him, really? I'm totally cool with judging people based on whom they associate with.

I know we all went through some phase where we thought open relationships were cool, but in the end, monogamy wins out with me. I don't know exactly why. It goes against all my logical arguments. But experience here trumps logic. I have never seen or participated in an open relationship that wasn't fucked up. Even if the two people involved thought they were happy and even keeled, even if they've been doing it for years, there's someone in that household who either had massive issues with self-esteem or insecurity, and another person who incapable of thinking of anyone's desires as more important than their own. You can yell at me about freedom as much as you want, but if you want freedom that badly, then don't commit to someone else. Because without over analyzing it, the truth is when you see a couple like that, you can smell the dirt. You can sense the rot without even knowing where it comes from.I suppose I should make it clear that by open relationship, I mean dating other people, not just picking up random sex partners together in bars. You wanna be swingers fine. Sex is sex. It can be a hobby for couples.
Also, this question wasn't really about open relationships, it just went there. I guess I'm just giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming you're not a terrible home wrecker, that's there's some sort of agreement. Yes, I said home wrecker, I'm from the 1950s. Cause people get crushes on lots of people, constantly. No matter who you are with, you're going to want to sleep with other people. Getting committed is making a choice, and sticking with that choice, ignoring crushes for something more complicated.

The majority of people are incapable of handling even one relationship. And your still married boyfriend has a relationship with his wife, good or bad, that should be resolved before he starts another one. And if he's cheating, it means he's a weakling who makes promises he can't keep.

Wonder when the gravity is going to run out?

I suspect sometimes it already has. Or the amount of it available is just dwindling closer and closer to nothing, like fresh water.

Ask Me Anything


  1. Never read any of the Dune sequels. Never read any of the Ender sequels, but above all, never read any of Card's personal opinions.

    As the biggest monogamist of all, I don't think it as cut & dry as you say. I think there is a web of commitment; I think open relationships can work, why not. I see 'em working. It ain't for me, but whatever.

  2. I logically see why they should work. But I have never ever seen them work, and I've known multiple couples who've done it. Practically, it would be nice if they did, it would make sense. But at this point in my life, I can't ignore the physical evidence. That would be silly of me.

  3. Also I think Card is an excellent example of separating the author from his work.

  4. I don't know how to read "read" in the first comment. Is "I have..." or "You should..." implied?

    I read the entire Dune series in junior high, possibly in the wrong order because wikipedia wasn't around to clarify such things. Ordinally or not, it was pretty confusing to me. Re-read the series a year or two ago, and I can definitely say the world created is impressive, and if you can get past or enjoy the mysticism, it's pretty amazing, really. The first is far and away the best and enough to read, though.

    I only read Ender's Game, and only after was 30. Since I'm not even vaguely a liberatarian, and all nerdy libertarians (is that redundant?) I know LOVE it, I was too skeptical to enjoy it. I'm a bit surprised to hear you're a fan, you should elaborate on why it's so great

  5. I think it's a fantastic story, that's written really well. It's by far the best out of the series, but I think the sequels are all pretty good too, despite the religious aspects, or maybe just because hey, I'm reading it as a fantasy, so if in your fantasy the world is built around these principles I disagree with, it doesn't matter because it's engaging in print. Story is story. I don't have to agree with the author to like it. Unless you're Ayn Rand, and all your characters are just despicable because you are despicable.

  6. Anecdotal evidence is different than physical evidence. That said, I know functional poly people. So...myth busted?

  7. I mean, maybe? I don't know. I trust your opinion, you're not the sort of person I would just automatically be like "I don't believe you". Also, I don't feel strongly against the idea, rationally. Just emotionally, it makes me mad.


Who wants to fuck the Editors?