Friday, May 21, 2010

Friday's Question is Full of Snout. I mean Doubt.

Can you give me a good recipe? For anything, your choice.

Well, alright.

The Perfect Ice Cream Sundae

1. 1 scoop natural vanilla ice cream, good stuff
2. 1 scoop strawberry ice cream
3. a generous handful of sweet pralines, and salted peanuts
4. a drizzle of salty caramel sauce
5. a dollop of nutella
6. 6 maraschino cherries, no stems
7. a hot evening after a hotter day, with one fan on the other side of the room, and reruns of Family Guy and Scrubs.

Buy all the ingredients and spread them out on the counter. Play some Lilly Allen while you are washing out a large glass and a spoon. Lilly Allen is ice cream music. Pile in everything. Eat a few pralines on the side and wonder how popular the first person who thought to cover nuts in sugar must have been, and how great Christmases must have seemed to people who were really poor and to whom oranges were a big deal. It helps you understand the spread of Christianity, the richness and prettiness, the offering of beauty to the masses.

The Shameful Rosie

1. sink full of dishes
2. 2 used pans sitting on the stove
3. several empty boxes on the counter
4. one very distracting laptop on the kitchen table
5. 3 leftover beers in the fridge

Sit at the computer. Drink a beer. Think to yourself every five minutes how you should just get up and do this shit already. Then spend an hour searching for new old buildings, when you should be showering the muck from this morning off of you.

A Great War

Take a premade valley. Fill it with young men with limited futures. Give them guns, but no ammunition. Slowly mix in advances in weaponry, maybe some primitive robotic drones. Be sure to let the casualties settle before stirring. Chill for 7 months. Serve with little cinnamon candies, on a doily, in a factory in Maryland. Side effects of over consumption may include deceiving confidence in your future markets and unforeseen consequences of dismantling empires.

The Perfect Birthday Present

Buy one unicorn. Build a magic fence around your backyard. Lure one bear into the fence with a honeycomb. Set up the video camera, and stage Unicorn vs. Bear.
If possible, book a Journey cover band.

A Recipe for Disaster

One large dinosaur being ridden by Sarah Palin
One Giant Squid of the Great Depths, being ridden by Freddy Mercury
An offshore oil rig

ask me anything


  1. So anyway - here's my recipe for making great coffee in a coffeemaker. You put in five or six scoops of coffee, a scoop of cocoa and a bunch of cinnamon.

    But whatever, today I was reading about ginger and learned that people spice their coffee with it some places. It smells like the rainforest. Like at the zoo, which is to say - monkey-sweat. Tastes okay though.

  2. Cardamon in coffee! yum!

    Also humidified monkey sweat, to be more accurate.

  3. Ooo! Throw some orange rind in that coffee maker, too. That would be awesome.

    I'm going to eat so much ice cream tonight.

  4. No Sarah, Orange rinds go in the other bag, remember?

  5. I want that ice cream sundae for dinner. Now. =)

  6. You could probably get the actual Journey to play for you. Just tell them they can pet the unicorn.

  7. I don't know. Something tells me they are not virgins. The unicorn might not be down with that.


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