Tim Russert is possessing my inner ear

This weekend was golf and more golf. Golf is a weird word. It looks weird. It sounds weird when anybody tries to say it, especially in a Scottish accent. But the US Open! It sucked me in, as aforesaid, on Thursday, and fuckin A, 4 days later I'm still watching the demon thing. Now quick, when I say demon thing, do I refer to the tournament OR....Tigger?



"The wonderful thing about tiggers
Is tiggers are wonderful things!
Their tops are made out of rubber;
Their bottoms are made out of springs!
They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy,
Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!
But the most wonderful thing about tiggers is
They will eat your face off"

That guy is Mr. Terminator Android Secret Killing Machine, his expressions are so...mysterious? He's like a secret agent! He sat there in the middle of a hole, watching Rocco do his "silly dance", eating an apple! A green one! But really it was a miniature crossbow! It shoots paralyzing cement into the kneecaps of his opponents.
It was designed by his faithful caddy Stevie, in their secret lair underneath Hole 4 at St. Andrews.

I do adore Golf Genius, but I'm so scared of him. I'm scared of his cold steely demeanor, occasionally broken by off-putting smiles. Do you know who he reminds me of?



He was a crippled, limping thing this weekend, spun around on painkillers, and still he ate his opponent's heart for breakfast. By one stroke. Which tells you of the solid dwarf-spun gold his adversary was made of...



Do you know Rocco was going to be the oldest player to win the Open ever? And he was ranked 158th, but because he LOST to Tigger, his rank goes up by 111 rankings? Sounds like sidekick material to me.

Anyway, it was an awesome last round yesterday, but the awesomeness of watching the playoff round today, and the sudden death hole! It was the Valhalla of golf fans, and I could only wonder at the deep delight that some of the crazy fuckers who'd been waiting since 6 am in those damn bleachers were feeling.

I guess I chose the most perfect weekend to start watching this sport. I am a little disappointed though that when I google "Sudden Death Hole", I get a bunch of golf shots. It seems like the results for that should be more entertaining. Like this...