Friday, June 4, 2010

Friday's Questions understand they are only tolerated out of habit and necessity.

If you leave a bag of hard pretzels open overnight will they get stale?

Things that get stale when left out overnight:
3)Malt liquor
6)Soba noodles stuck to your jeans

Pretzels suffer the same effects as Doritos, which is less "getting stale" and more like this thing where they soak up all the water in the air around them. They get moist. Maybe this doesn't happen in the desert dry climates? I know you're supposed to only buy used cars from the Southwest states because they aren't eaten apart by salt and rust. Is that true about the people too? Is that why old people are always going down there, to mummify themselves? I read once that fat girls have less wrinkles and stronger bones from carrying the weight around, so they don't look as old as the thin girls who shrink into bones. I don't think this is particularly true, I think pretty people are just pretty no matter what size or age or color they are. Pretty people stay pretty, because they've figured out how to accept just being pretty, instead of making themselves pretty. Other people just have the stale mentality, and can't escape it's spread.

In conclusion, hard pretzels only get stale if they believe they are getting stale. Also this:

Why is Yellow Truck's logo orange?

According to the internets, it's because in 1929 the guys in charge of Highway Safety (J. Alfred Prufrock and Sons. no.) decided that the most visible color in the entire world was the swamp holly berry, otherwise known as the American Winterberry. It could be seen from long distances, felt shaking in the ground, in the sheets of passing motel rooms, the hearts of antsy young people everywhere. What is not quite understood is why they then chose orange, since holly berries are red. Maybe they felt red was too intimidating for motorists, as they speed past them in morning rush hour rain?

Anyway, its supposedly the safest color ever. Which also explains John Boehner's skin color.

Ask me something. Anything. Make it a rhyme.


  1. For realz, I will never understand the soggy chip thing. When the water crisis happens, those things are going to have to be outlawed. Obviously. Can we outlaw Bryan Adams, too?


    That would leave Alanis Morrissette to rule Canada without any balance of power. It would catastrophic for North American trade agreements.

  3. The Erin O'Brien will get stale if you leave her out overnight.

  4. Really, I would have put you in the suck up all the moisture in the room category, like me.


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