Friday, June 25, 2010

Fridays Questions carry pictures of their cats in their wallets

Just kidding, Friday doesn't own a wallet.

if u were gay, would you eat a bagel?

Um, yes. I would even eat a bagel if I wasn't gay. I bet I might even eat a bagel if I was an astronaut!

What the fuck.

PS its been pointed out to me that this question is not referring to yeasty crusty toasted goodness, but in fact something foul. I am a lady and therefore do not recognize or acknowledge this. If you want to ask if I give rimjobs than just ask it. We're not 8. Well, maybe you are. Also, the answer is no.

Would you sacrifice's hot dog inn or steves for a 24hour bagel shop?

Steve's Hot Dogs is indeed a special institution. What with the prostitutes, annoying kids, and unusable bathroom that is actually an entrance to the hell dimension where everyone is a ferret owner. However, as you may have gathered, I like bagels, even the underage queenie wannabe ones. A 24 hour bagel place would definitely get more of my business, especially if they offered bagel sandwiches. If it's 2 am and you're drunk, you need grease and bread. A breakfast bagel with bacon and egg wins over a chili dog at least half the time. It would just be better to get it from a place where you have less than a 30% chance of getting hepatitis from the loo. And really good coffee would be a plus. There's no 24 hour really good coffee place in Cleveland.

whats a good paint remover?

Elks blood mixed with battery acid.

Do you ever wish that there were actual Elders of Zion who controlled the world?

Look, not only is the Protocols a terrible and racist publication, but its authors are plagiarists, and I would sooner read the original anti-Napoleon satire than pick up a copy of that filth. If I read French. Which I will never do.

But if you're asking me if I think the world would be a better place if an ancient religious cult was conspiring to control the world, then I can only respond with "Where exactly have you been?" There are multiple cults, religious, political and mercantile, that are all vying for control over the world. I think they generally all suck, and encourage everyone to support my cult, which would be way better at it than them.

What is the opposite of brown?

When I mixed all the fingerpaints together, I got brown. So 5 yr old me concludes the opposite of brown is the absence of any color.

30 yr old me insists it is blue.

What is a book which changed your life?

The Bible.

Hahaha, no.

Lots of books change my life all the time. Certain books change my life again every time I read them. I have a selection of books I use to inspire whatever mood I want to be in, like taking a pill or drinking a lot of coffee. For instance, Watership Down makes me super charged political, and The Phantom Tollbooth makes me all philosophical. . Sherlock Holmes makes me want to do puzzles. Tom Robbins convinces me I'm a better writer than I think I am. Margaret Atwood's Robber Bride makes me more observant of my moods. The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar, while demoralizing because I will never be as awesome as Roald Dahl, reminds me to be childlike and appreciative.

But the spot at the top of the heap, life story wise, I'll give to the Little House on the Prairie series. They were the first books I read all the way through by myself when I was 5 or 6, and the next ten years or so all my imagination was rooted in them. We played dress up to them. I had a pioneer playmobil set because of them. I made my own paper dolls because of them. I pinched my cheeks to make them rosy because of them. I understood the value of ice because of them. I was appropriately terrified of locusts and hail because of them. I had a running childhood first person inner monologue because of them. And most importantly, I really enjoyed going to historical places, museums and birthplaces and stuff, which started with those books.

Who do you love?

Lots of people. My family. My friends. My ex-boyfriends. The people I used to be friends with. Lots of writers. A couple musicians. Mostly dead painters.

Generally anyone who doesn't expect much from me, and is just content to hang out for a while and talk.

I especially love people who love me.

Ask me anything.


  1. my cat is the background image on my phone. does that count?

    mostly irrelevant statement and probably TMI alert!:
    i love my cat so much that it makes me question if i should even have kids for fear he'll feel jealous.

    i am a sick, sick puppy.

  2. I mean, he will probably will be. So you're just being realistic.

  3. This is fucking hilarious. And I love the kitty pics. :)

  4. Nina the Ninja is adorable true. But mostly I'm jealous of having a full sized window nook to lounge in.

  5. Obviously, you don't know what "eat a bagel" means.

  6. Nope. I'm pretty good where I am, thanks.

    I despise sexual euphemism.

  7. I never would have pegged you as a Prairie girl. Now I'm even more intrigued.

  8. Gosh, we had like pink and blue bonnets even that my mom made us, and Carrie and I would fight over who got to play Mary or Laura.

  9. I have far more respect for 'ask me anything' now. I've only ever been asked spam questions, and nobody ever clicks on the 'Ask the Nerdy Fat Guy' link on my page, either.

    I don't know now if I need to check out Steve's Hot Dogs or not. We went to the beach yesterday, and stepped over razor-sharp aluminum cans, used diapers and used condoms to get to what was still a rather disappointingly dirty lakefront.

    As for drinking food, my favorite sandwich ever was the Irish breakfast sandwich at a place in Tampa, one of the few redeeming qualities of that state. Fried egg with runny yolk, sausage, Irish bacon on a crusty roll.

    In my opinion, runny yolks improve most any sandwich.

    And other than McD's, I haven't seen any 24-hour places at all. Not that I regularly crave bacon and hashbrowns at 3 am, but it would be nice to know I have options.

  10. Steve's is not like oh my god food. It's just a place where you can buy chili dogs at all times.

    As for other 24 hour places, there's My Friends, Diana's, a greek diner out in North Olmsted, and you know, the standard ihops and dennys and stuff. I think the Big Egg is open again too.

    But no one goes on the actual beach at Edgewater, it's all about the rocks and Whiskey Island. If you want a beach, you go to Huntington.


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