Tuesday, June 22, 2010

And so it came to pass the Earth fell and I became Master of my dominion

This week has been extraordinary slow, hasn't it? Starting with that boring boring solstice, that pretty much sucked the life out of me and our atmosphere. I mean, it's been boiling hot. You can't be witty when it's boiling hot. You have to tend to your melting eyeballs and stinky crevices, don't you?

There have been some interesting going-ons though. General McScrappy thought he was gonna be cool and hip, and get all loose with the young folks. Rolling Stone fed him some hard candy, and he said some things it's not quite smart to say in front of someone who may then seal your words into zeros and ones, distribute them everywhere, even up to the castle where the Wizard may hear. And then he may turn you into a frog, a frog with a long career ahead of him of security consulting. When the first corporation creates the first not secret private corporate army, my money is on McScrappy to be at the helm. Since he's old, you can tell I think that's coming soon, right?

Also we learned about BP burning endangered turtles, and then that cleanup boat captain shot himself. Seems a little suspicious to me, shooting yourself in the morning, when you first get on the boat, instead of after a night staring at the bloodied sea. It seems awfully daytime working hours-ish. Well, if its true, you good and gentle man, I hope you are completely blissfully unaware of it all now. And BP, if you are suddenly bringing all Michael Crichton's nightmares to life, if you are risking the exposure of your dark underbelly because of your floundering desperation? Well, probably nothing will happen to you. You will likely never get caught. This world sucks. Speaking of corporate armies, I hope yours loses. I hope Kraft kicks your ass.

CNN supposedly put out a call for someone to come up with the good side of the oil spill (no they didn't). I have several:

1) Shrimp were obviously destined to someday become the superior race. We've nipped that in the bud.

2) The Mermen army that was being slowly built up on the ocean floor, in preparation for the rising tides of 2012 and their ascent to conquer the Landmen, has also been neutralized.

3)The oil companies will eventually form an international conglomerate to protect themselves against interference from silly civilian governments. They will go on to destroy half the planet, but they will also discover time travel in an attempt to go back and kill way more dinosaurs in much more convenient areas. Thus all the dinosaurs will become extinct, and people will finally stop putting any credence in that silly asteroid theory.

People have been chattering about these errol morris essays - being too incompetent to recognize your incompetence ect ect. They are very interesting, and generally right. That's a trap too, you know. Very good points about the unknown unknowns, but at some point you have to draw the line and assert your own confidence, otherwise you're helpless, trapped by your humbleness. Yes, I don't know what I don't know. However what I do know is letting people die for no reason is wrong, just like hurting them is wrong. That's a stable enough foundation upon which to build a card castle of morals that are my choice. Everybody has to say "no I'm right"at some point. They are probably wrong when they do it, but they have to do it. We are all probably wrong most of the time. This is one very good reason I am an atheist. There are other reasons, but they mostly have to do with how cruel I think moral destiny is.

Finally, I discovered the Doctor, living right here among us...(also I've been watching too much Dr. Who.) Someone make him open his pocket watch.


  1. I am literally sitting here arguing with this guy's views on dinosaurs. I've reached a new low.

    T Rex is so the best, for some many reasons. I wrote a whole blog about this.

    I'm so ridiculous.

    Also, he's totally can't pronounce deinonychus. I think the Doctor would be able to pronounce deinonychus. Besides that... totally.

  2. Dan has inspired a lot of controversy over his diction.

    The Doctor would totally kick the raptor. All raptors.

  3. He'd probably talk at them awhile as they stood there confused. Then he's sonic at something shiny, which would fall or something, and then he'd makes his escape as Companion ran after making 'eek' faces.

    I should write for that show.


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