See, I like your questions because it gives me a reason to feel useful at 2 am?

Okay, so I'm coming up to Cleveland soon for a wedding, can you suggest places for lunch and brunch? Thanks!:)

Oh brunch. Always a great source of aggravation for me.

Flying Fig has a great brunch. They have this amazing drink called a Hot Russian which is basically a White Russian with enough espresso in it to make you believe that maybe that dream you had only a few hours ago really was your great American novel, and also maybe you would like to go back to the hotel room, get more drunk and have more sex, because who cares its Sunday and you're half trashed already so fuck this reception. Maybe I should point out I mostly drink at brunch.

Or you could be cooler and less degenerate and go to Li Wah for dim sum.

As to lunch...lunch lunch lunch. I love LeLoLai's, which is a bakery not a restaurant. But the Cuban sandwiches are amazing, and the coconut macaroons are addictive.

The Beer Engine on Madison in Lakewood is great for slightly more interesting burgers and sandwiches. Bar atmosphere once again, but friendly. Like, where you go if you are a bartender in Lakewood and wake up at 3pm and need sustenance. Really great chips.

Sahara Restaurant on Lorain Ave is great Lebanese food. They open at 12pm. The waitresses are girls you wish were your best friends.

You'll notice these are all West Side places. Sadly, if I'm driving all the way out to the East Side for lunch, it's Hot Sauce Williams all the way.

What do you think of the Clash of the Titans remake?

I never saw the original so I don't have any nostalgia kicking in, or defensiveness.
I'm a fan of giant monsters and winged horses.

My only two worries are these:

1) 300 SUCKED as a movie. And I get real tired of special effects real quick if the plot doesn't hold up. I'm getting a 300 vibe from that whole glowing toga thing in the trailer.

2) Krakens are giant squid, which is terrifying. Squid have beaks, large nasty ones which make them resemble horrifyingly crazy mutant water emus.

I am EXTREMELY disappointed the Kraken, one of my favorites, has no beak and in fact looks like it needs dentures. Shark teeth? Really? Teeth are not imposing on a large creature unless they are huge and defined. BEAKS are huge.

I will totally be going to see this with The Boy. But my expectations will be low.

Write a poem

Beginnings

Once upon a time
In a galaxy far far away
On a distant shore
It was a dark and stormy night
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

A screaming comes across the sky
This is the saddest story I have ever heard
It was a wrong number that started it
Through the fence
124 was spiteful
I am a sick man . . . I am a spiteful man
There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.

The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.
The cold passed reluctantly from the earth,
It was the day my grandmother exploded.
Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way

It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen
The mechanical unicorn opened it's eyes.

Do you believe artificial sweeteners/preservatives are ruining our bodies and lives? (paraphrased because formspring ate the question, with obviously no concern for FDA regulation)

The first time I read Upton Sinclair's The Jungle, there was one single little sentence that stuck with me. It made the most impression on me, shining past all the other poverty death destruction despair ect.

"How could they know that the pale blue milk they bought around the corner was watered, and doctored with formaldehyde besides?"

See, you say "Um, because it was blue?" But you also say "how stupid to think sticking leeches on you would cure a disease!" and then you eat an apple that's been genetically engineered to stay crisp for thirty days. Cheese that comes pre-shredded and pre-colored. Butter that isn't butter. Or you fry some salt and preservative infused turkey in your non-stick Alzheimer pan, while in the microwave your rice in a bag with flavoring is steaming away. You rub aluminum play-doh smelling salts into your lymph nodes and smear your lips with paint that smells and tastes like air freshener. And later you'll breathe in traffic and smog through your windows like you have every day of your life, while you wipe down every surface in your house with a powerful disinfectant that isn't harmful to your cats at all, promise.

I have it on good authority alcohol kills lots of other things. In addition to hope, I mean. Just saying.

Ask me anything