My fridge is a piece of history

I've decided that all the really good foods could have never been invented by modern man. For example, cheese. No person in their right mind these days would be like "Look, I kept this milk in a sheep's stomach for too long in hot weather, and now it's a solid! Let's eat it!" Or, "wow, these cucumbers have turned a weird color and shrunk to look like warty baby penises, I bet they'd go great on some burned meat!" Cheese, pickles, wine, beer, OLIVES, which is absolutely the weirdest. I mean, the fruit turns black. Black food is never a good thing. But someone, probably someone really really starving, tried them. And then hopefully made a fortune of them and didn't have to eat any more rotten fruit mixed with lye.

Even bacon wouldn't have happened except out of desperation. If everyone had enough cows to kill all the time, no one would have thought to pack their meat in ground up rock. They probably stored it in some cave with a salt vein, or tried keeping it in ocean water? Or found it on a shipwreck.

So my point is...modern refrigeration has killed our history of awesome gross food invention. Sure, we have hot dogs and astronaut ice cream. But they're not exactly staple foods, or rather, they shouldn't be. So in the interest of humanity's survival, I am going to invent the next portable, non-refrigerated, staple food.

I'm starting by leaving this opened jar of strawberry jelly on my counter for the next 6 months.