Friday, April 2, 2010

I had a dream where I was a dung beetle once. It wasn't so bad.

If you could be any insect, what would it be?

Asking a "what would you could you be" question is tricky. Do I pick what I want to be, or what I think is best suited to my personality? The two are definitely not the same thing. Also, there's a chance I might accidentally reveal some small part of myself I have managed to not reveal to complete strangers on the internet. Just kidding. There's nothing left. All I am is lady music, cheap wine, and ANTM.

What sucks is I can't pick spider, because spiders aren't insects, and I would look like a fool.

So then maybe a cricket? Not dirty. Not pestilent. Not wired to a hive brain. Always talking. Always fucking. And considered to be good luck for everyone but the poor cricket who gets stuck in a box for the rest of its life. But if it manages to not get caught by a pet store or a chinese doctor, not a bad life per se.

The truth is I hate crickets from when I had a pet frog and I had to feed them to him. But that fits too. Wild crickets are awesome, domesticated crickets suck. Just like me.

As long as I'm not a dragonfly. Those things are terrifying.

Why are so many people afraid of success? Better yet, why are they threatened by those of us who AREN'T afraid of it?

People are afraid of success because they fear if they get known as being good at something, then someone will call them on it and they will fail and be excommunicated and banished to the firelands.

People who aren't afraid of success are either arrogant enough to think they can't fail, or independent enough to not care if they do. Both traits are scary to a normal socialized person. Arrogant people just plain suck. And independent people are, well, independent. Not attached. Able to do whatever they want because they don't have any insecurities keeping them in line with the general psychology. Which means they are also prone to selfishness. And culturally speaking, selfishness is bad for society's survival. It makes that person an unknown factor.

Also, people who think they aren't afraid of success tend to have unbearable superiority complexes toward those they perceive as weak. And paranoid to boot. As in they think people are out to stop them being successful, when really everyone else just wants them to shut the fuck up about themselves for just two minutes.

If you think people are threatened by you, they probably aren't. In reality, they either dislike you because you are better than them at something, or because you are an arrogant douche. People only fear you when you actually threaten their source of income or their lives. Unless you are a boss, a boyfriend stealing bar slut, or an Asian warlord, you're probably not in that position.

Where are we going tomorrow?

Oh tomorrow! You mean in the sunlight? And the warmth? And the golden Friday afternoon? Well darling, we're going to Disneyland. If Disneyland was an abandoned factory in the middle of the Wasteland where you could get tetanus or rabies. I promise, if you're really quiet and quite drunk, you might see a very dirty unicorn.

Ask me anything


  1. Well said. I totally fear success, and not just because you'd think I was a douche if I didn't. I mostly fear success because I think people will find out I'm not really good at whatever it is and then I'll look like a big phony baloney.

    Have fun at Disney!

    I'd be a bumble bee. They look drunk all the time, so they're probably fun.

  2. I fear success because then people will expect me to do more stuff. And I don't want to.

  3. Yay! A unicorn?!? Hazah!

    Wait, I had other comments before I got distracted by the unicorn. Something about lady bugs and Asian war lords but really? Dirty unicorns?!?!


    Also my captcha word is "cotoushe." That's the noise I make when I cannonball into a body of water. "coTOUSHE!!!"

    No more caffeine and computers for me.

  4. If I said to myself, no caffeine and computers for me? I mean, that would be it. I'd be dead. Kaput.


  6. If you were a cricket would you make a lot of noise at night?

  7. Don't I already make a lot of noise at night?


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