Oh Sarah...

The transcript of my notes from yesterday's Sarah Palin interview on Oprah. I was going to liveblog it, but like a snake eating an alligator, I was transfixed and couldn't be bothered to post this right away. I needed time to digest.

November 16th, 4pm I have not watched Oprah since her damn book club put Ulysses on their list, which made me want to vomit my eyeballs from my nose.

Oprah immediately brings up the "snubbing" ie the fact that she didn't have Palin on last year during the campaign because she absolutely hated all Republicans and thought they were morons and was hypnotized by Obama's magnetic stare. Oprah +2

Sarah shrugs this off. Apparently, she wasn't even "aware" this snubbing was going on. "I didn't hear anything, it wasn't the center of my universe". It's a free market, you can have whoever you want on, cause you're a tv host and I was running for vice president. Fuck off Oprah. Palin +3 (c'mon, it a classic Queen Bitch move)

Who's hair is bigger? I think Palin's is, but she also has glasses that match her jacket. With those wide colored sides? Palin +1

Oprah asks why Palin thought she was "qualified" to run for office, only in a nicer more backhanded way. With a thoroughly incredulous look. Oprah +1

Palin says she didn't even take the rumors about getting the spot seriously, because of the grand ol' names that were also being bandied about. Which raises serious questions about what the vetting process found out about those guys. Palin -1.

Sarah says she came right out to McCain with the dirtiest thing in her past, which was a D in college. There is a collective "really?" from Oprah and all of us, heard around the world. It disrupts the migration pattern of a flock of cranes, who then mistakenly land 300 miles from their destination. -4

Oprah brings up Bristol really early on. -1

Sarah says she wasn't given an "allowance to deal with it in a more productive way", and that she was surprised the media was interested in Bristol's pregnancy at all. She talks like a low level human resources manager. Palin -4

Sarah is actually incapable of finishing a sentence... -1
No, really... -1

Now she makes some point about her kids didn't have the same privilege of being left alone as the Obama kids did. Lay off Sasha and Malia yo. I don't see Sasha sleeping with an high school oxycotin dealer and getting knocked up. -3

Oprah brings up the stupid wardrobe crap. -3

Palin says that all her debate answers were written on note cards for her, and were "non-answers". She tells us that her handlers "couldn't find the script to stay on script". Did you hear McCain has been getting book offers to write about her? +2

Now we're on to Couric. Apparently Sarah really really hates "the perky one" who just kept "badgering" her with questions.

Oprah points out Sarah is pretty perky too. +2

Sarah says she couldn't answer the question about what books and magazines she reads, because she was so annoyed with Couric. She felt that it was such a condescending question, and that Couric was saying something about how Alaska is like a wilderness with no media or electricity or paper-making. Which it is. Palin -2.

Is there another kind of partisan besides political? Palin -1.

Sarah calls Levi "Ricky Hollywood", says he's doing "aspiring porn", and extends him an open invitation to Thanksgiving, because Oprah makes her. Palin +1 Cause Levi is a douche. Also Oprah +1, cause Palin is a hypocritical dancing monkey.

More importantly, she wasn't being mean, he's actually been calling himself Ricky Hollywood. Levi -14

There's a video segment about Sarah's home life. She lives in a big red house that looks like the petting zoo portion of the actual zoo.She takes her youngest daughter Piper to the gym with her. Piper tells her not to get out of the car for trick or treating. Oprah +2

Oprah asks her about how she would handle the vice presidency and being mother to 22 children. Palin points out TLC would have sponsored her.

No, that didn't happen.

But Palin is also pointing out that you can't be a career mom without a support system of ten million aunts and uncles and grandpappies. I think she meant to say "unless you have less than 4 children, in which case it's fine". Palin -2

Oprah looks like she's kind of vomiting a little in her mouth. Oprah +1

Sarah is telling everyone how her marriage has worked with Todd because she never sees him, because he's gone half the year. Palin +1

Then she says she gets by "with Todd and God". Palin -3

She refers to her grandson as the "most beautiful baby boy" so many times, I'm starting to believe she's organized a Palin supporters drinking game on her facebook profile. +1

I should have had a drinking game. Dammnit. Me -3

Finally we talk about why she quit as governor. Apparently there were so many opposition researchers and ethics violation investigators, invading Alaska like mosquitoes, that she couldn't do her job properly. She felt "shackled behind a governors desk". I take this to mean that before the campaign, she didn't really have to do, you know, governor stuff. But after the election, every one kept looking at her, and expecting her to do all this stuff, and she had to be so careful with money things, that it just wasn't so much fun anymore. Palin -2

Oprah asks her if she's going to be thinking about running in 2012, Palin evades. Then she asks her if she's going to be getting a talk show. Palin KIND OF evades. Palin -2.

But then Sarah points out that Oprah is the queen of daytime television, and that she used to watch her every day when she was a stay at home mom. Which means OPRAH CREATED SARAH PALIN. Oprah -32.