Liveblogging Thanksgiving Dinner

1:30pm "If we're going to be an evil empire, then we can't do it halfway."

2:15pm - "she's teaching people how to cut condoms in half and use them as dental dams." "I think that's so bad, you don't need to be ingesting spermicide" "Doesn't clingwrap work?"

2:45pm - "So other than not liking to be on the wrong side of domination games, how's your life going?"

3:15 "We should make a video where God's voice is the window start-up noise"

3:20 "Time for the most useful part of my education, how to dissolve salt into water."
"What if something happens and you're in charge of getting all the salt back into the ocean to restore the universe's balance?" "Then let's start with the layer of salt that the ocean has exploded, covering the land in a death shroud." "Okay, let's start there."

3:30pm - "So they found your well with a forked stick?"
"Yeah, it turns out that's just how they assume you do that."

3:40pm-"You just want to say to him, just tell me what you want."
"Levi, was it because you were inefficient, or do you screw something up?"

3:45pm -"Have you seen New Moon yet? I've heard it's great if you like topless American Indian guys acting homoerotic around each other"

4:00pm- "This came to our house for you. What is it?"
"It's a square dressing dance"
"It's part of my one woman show."

"Jay-Z is also good at talking smack. I was thinking about some smack I should have talked yesterday and I wish Jay-Z had been there to help me."

4:05pm " I think Kanye West is my spirit animal"

4:18pm "Does mom like the table wine or the Dago wine?" "I don't see any dago wine"

4:19pm "I'm not doing shit until 4:45pm."

4:20pm "He goes absolutely nuts when he's discussing biological membranes. It's hypnotizing to watch."

4:24pm- "wouldn't it be awesome if we could just replace our muscles with spider silk" "That's a lot of spider silk" "They can mass synthesize it in Germany now." "Well, that would take care of cannibalism right? World wide problem."

4:32pm iphone fun



5:05pm - "I lost my pumpkin pie recipe." "I'll need the southern comfort under that cabinet,"

4 laptops. 1 Death Cab for Cutie.

5:15 "Dad should lift the turkey." "Its only 21 pounds. I'm a 27 yr old girl in her prime. That's all I am. Up in here."

5:10pm "Want a jigger?" "That's not even a jigger" "Take it Dad."

5:20pm - "you should taste it to see if it's too salty." "pshaw" "don't pshaw me, I'm always right." "'your not always right." "Yes I am." "You got a lot of gall."

5:45pm Dinner

6:15pm "I'm doing a country revue/adult sex education one woman show"

6:20pm "I think the Benedictine monks are trying to muscle out the Genessee Monks with those products." "Monk wars." "Fruitcake wars."

6:30pm "You picked the least fun dog ever." "C'mon baby, you wanna go outside. You don't have to take that from her. She's the middle child"

6:40pm "Wampanoag were the tribe at the first thanksgiving." "I have watched so much Angel lately, I automatically heard demon after Wampanoag."

7pm Nobody wants to play Risk.

Coma

7:45pm "Oh my god, you mean, teeth are right next to each other in your mouth? Amazing."

8:09pm "Everyone is so down on the 2nd law of Thermodynamics." "No, nobody says that."

8:10pm "You and friends should do a parady of the Glenn Beck show where you get really upset and riled up about our freedoms being taken away by the universe."

8:25pm I'm taking a to-go cup of Schnapps.

8:27pm "There's also this dating game where everyone is a flesh eating monster except this one girl, and she then eats all the flesh eating monsters."

8:30pm. "Mother, leave the pie out."