The transcript of my notes from yesterday's Sarah Palin interview on Oprah. I was going to liveblog it, but like a snake eating an alligator, I was transfixed and couldn't be bothered to post this right away. I needed time to digest.
November 16th, 4pm I have not watched Oprah since her damn book club put Ulysses on their list, which made me want to vomit my eyeballs from my nose.
Oprah immediately brings up the "snubbing" ie the fact that she didn't have Palin on last year during the campaign because she absolutely hated all Republicans and thought they were morons and was hypnotized by Obama's magnetic stare. Oprah +2
Sarah shrugs this off. Apparently, she wasn't even "aware" this snubbing was going on. "I didn't hear anything, it wasn't the center of my universe". It's a free market, you can have whoever you want on, cause you're a tv host and I was running for vice president. Fuck off Oprah. Palin +3 (c'mon, it a classic Queen Bitch move)
Who's hair is bigger? I think Palin's is, but she also has glasses that match her jacket. With those wide colored sides? Palin +1
Oprah asks why Palin thought she was "qualified" to run for office, only in a nicer more backhanded way. With a thoroughly incredulous look. Oprah +1
Palin says she didn't even take the rumors about getting the spot seriously, because of the grand ol' names that were also being bandied about. Which raises serious questions about what the vetting process found out about those guys. Palin -1.
Sarah says she came right out to McCain with the dirtiest thing in her past, which was a D in college. There is a collective "really?" from Oprah and all of us, heard around the world. It disrupts the migration pattern of a flock of cranes, who then mistakenly land 300 miles from their destination. -4
Oprah brings up Bristol really early on. -1
Sarah says she wasn't given an "allowance to deal with it in a more productive way", and that she was surprised the media was interested in Bristol's pregnancy at all. She talks like a low level human resources manager. Palin -4
Sarah is actually incapable of finishing a sentence... -1
No, really... -1
Now she makes some point about her kids didn't have the same privilege of being left alone as the Obama kids did. Lay off Sasha and Malia yo. I don't see Sasha sleeping with an high school oxycotin dealer and getting knocked up. -3
Oprah brings up the stupid wardrobe crap. -3
Palin says that all her debate answers were written on note cards for her, and were "non-answers". She tells us that her handlers "couldn't find the script to stay on script". Did you hear McCain has been getting book offers to write about her? +2
Now we're on to Couric. Apparently Sarah really really hates "the perky one" who just kept "badgering" her with questions.
Oprah points out Sarah is pretty perky too. +2
Sarah says she couldn't answer the question about what books and magazines she reads, because she was so annoyed with Couric. She felt that it was such a condescending question, and that Couric was saying something about how Alaska is like a wilderness with no media or electricity or paper-making. Which it is. Palin -2.
Is there another kind of partisan besides political? Palin -1.
Sarah calls Levi "Ricky Hollywood", says he's doing "aspiring porn", and extends him an open invitation to Thanksgiving, because Oprah makes her. Palin +1 Cause Levi is a douche. Also Oprah +1, cause Palin is a hypocritical dancing monkey.
More importantly, she wasn't being mean, he's actually been calling himself Ricky Hollywood. Levi -14
There's a video segment about Sarah's home life. She lives in a big red house that looks like the petting zoo portion of the actual zoo.She takes her youngest daughter Piper to the gym with her. Piper tells her not to get out of the car for trick or treating. Oprah +2
Oprah asks her about how she would handle the vice presidency and being mother to 22 children. Palin points out TLC would have sponsored her.
No, that didn't happen.
But Palin is also pointing out that you can't be a career mom without a support system of ten million aunts and uncles and grandpappies. I think she meant to say "unless you have less than 4 children, in which case it's fine". Palin -2
Oprah looks like she's kind of vomiting a little in her mouth. Oprah +1
Sarah is telling everyone how her marriage has worked with Todd because she never sees him, because he's gone half the year. Palin +1
Then she says she gets by "with Todd and God". Palin -3
She refers to her grandson as the "most beautiful baby boy" so many times, I'm starting to believe she's organized a Palin supporters drinking game on her facebook profile. +1
I should have had a drinking game. Dammnit. Me -3
Finally we talk about why she quit as governor. Apparently there were so many opposition researchers and ethics violation investigators, invading Alaska like mosquitoes, that she couldn't do her job properly. She felt "shackled behind a governors desk". I take this to mean that before the campaign, she didn't really have to do, you know, governor stuff. But after the election, every one kept looking at her, and expecting her to do all this stuff, and she had to be so careful with money things, that it just wasn't so much fun anymore. Palin -2
Oprah asks her if she's going to be thinking about running in 2012, Palin evades. Then she asks her if she's going to be getting a talk show. Palin KIND OF evades. Palin -2.
But then Sarah points out that Oprah is the queen of daytime television, and that she used to watch her every day when she was a stay at home mom. Which means OPRAH CREATED SARAH PALIN. Oprah -32.
Showing posts with label liveblog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label liveblog. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sunday, November 9, 2008
If you did not see the new Indiana Jones yet? Well, maybe you should skip this. Or maybe not.
Alright, I'm over Jay's, we bought the fish sauce, we got the #1 Pho, I'm drinking Magic Hat #9, and okay then: let's watch Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.
*start movie*
Germans? I bet the kids in the trucks are germans.
Yup.
They're sneak attacking the base! Will the Germans steal a nuclear bomb?
Oh wait, they're Russians. The commies are after the ark? Mummified remains? I think Cate Blanchett looks like that famous asian spy lady I can't think of right now, Mata Hari. Only her accent is horrible. Magnetic gunpowder cloud? Really? oh....Roswell. I thought the aliens came at the end.
Why can't Spielberg stay away from aliens? And why would you open the mummy in the warehouse? Jay likes the sound of guns going down. I fail to see how you could drive the car with some case in it that's so magnetized, gunpowder drifted to it from across the warehouse.
Alright, I think I've found the problem with this movie. Indy survives a nuclear blast in a fridge? And doesn't immediately get crushed in the impact. And climbs out among burning debris with no thought to his testicles, as he stands casually and surveys the mushroom cloud about a mile away. Did I mention he got thrown a mile in a fridge, with no broken bones? And the CGI prairie dogs survived and don't have tumours all over their furry little bellies?
Now we get nice little civic lesson in bad government. The FBI thinks he's rogue. Indy gets fired? Maybe he'll start a petition, maybe an internet petition. That would be swell.
Now liberal extremist McCarthy targeted fired intellectual teams up with funny looking Jewish boy to fight the Russians, appropriate.
Indy just said "typhus".
Also, how does Indy not believe in "stories" at this point? ALSO what the hell is with that library scene? They slide a bike on its side underneath multiple tables and no one breaks a leg? Then he tells the kids to stay out of the library? Try staying out of the FALLOUT CLOUD, asshole. I'm sure Indy learned an obscure Incan language by staying out of the library. And he phoned in his doctorate.
I bet five dollars the conquistadors are alive at the end of this movie. Kept alive by the aliens.
I guess smaller scorpions are more poisonous, we googled it, its true. Also we bought some tamarind at Asian Plaza and eating it from the pod is like sucking the flesh of a penis made of sweet potato.
Shia Le Bouf is doing a GOOD job of making old Indy still look tough. I wonder if that was in his contract. "Hey I'll do this movie, but my sidekick can't be cuter than me and also has to be an obvious weakling."
Wait there are the conquistadors, they've been mummified with alien magic! I don't think in general just opening up mummies randomly with no planning is a good idea...wasn't there another movie about that?
We also got these tamarind candies that are coated in sugar and chili, I can't stop eating them. I'm going to get an Asian tummy ache.
The crystal skull: doesn't speak to everyone huh? Only crazy archaelogists from England? "Stare into the the skull" she says. "We will turn you into us" she says. The Russian plot is to turn America into Russian, subliminally. With a bunch of crystallized alien heads. This is like a political club over the head. Psychic warfare, a misguided FBI, alien conspiracy. I think Spielberg is an Air America fan.
"Autowriting. I should have seen this"
Well, we all should have honey.
The dinosaurs are crawling through the forest! Wait no, the commies brought a tree chipper to the Amazon. Now we're going to the magic alien city, and annoying jewish boy is Indy's son. So of course we have to hear fugly Marian and old Indy argue. I always hated Marian. I guess it's good Indy has a kid now, because he will NEVER HAVE CHILDREN AGAIN NOW THAT HE IS THOROUGHLY IRRADIATED and also will die of leukemia in a month.
Apparently Shia is the Monkey King. And the skull keeps away acres of demon possessed ants away but in close proximity, so Indy can have a fight in the circle of ant death with a Russian who will lose his face. And Ox is Willie Nelson in a poncho. And indian ninjas are stalking them. And Spielberg believes he invents aliens with every single movie , so he has to beat us over the head with the info that "hey these are aliens" even though they are the most cliche aliens ever and we all know what alien skulls look like thank you.
This entire movie was designed to be turned into an amusement park ride. I'm all like, well, there's gonna be a waterfall coming up, because in the car chase, the good guys have the car/boat. And then there's three waterfalls.
The booby traps in the temple SUCK.
Now Mata Hari has returned the head to the crystal skeleton alien, and all the aliens are meshing together, and they're one alien! And the place disentagrates. I think it's safe to assume that every temple left intact is booby trap free, because obviously they all get destroyed anytime anything exciting happens in them. I will feel much safer in temples having realized this.
Mata Hari's head explodes, or maybe she just goes to another dimension. I thought the aliens were giving her the gift of knowledge, but then she explodes. So these are either evil aliens, which means the theory of the movie is that civilization was founded by a bunch of wankers. Or really she goes off with them, becomes enlightened, and spreads the good word of Communism to the universe. She did return the head after all. Which was what they wanted, right? So I think Mata Hari wins.
Meaning Spielberg is a Communist. The entire movie points to it. I mean, she didn't want to keep the skull, she was going to give it back, so Indy and friends were just these obnoxious capitalists who got in the way of her quest for enlightenment. And then when it happened, they got scared and ran. But the strong Ruskie stayed and was rewarded. Americans are weak. Communists are seeking real truth. And humanity is not ready for the return of the superior race.
Finally, Indy marries some ugly broad he dumped years ago cause now he has a kid with her. And everyone leaves happily ever after, except Shia, who has now tarnished his Holes image forever.
Or this whole movie was a dream Indy had as he was dying, locked in the fridge. He imagined all the things he wish he had, a family, a lost love, a meaning behind his work, actual touch with the universal. Maybe this movie was in fact Indy's metaphysical awakening to the gaps in his life, the "looking into the light" moment that sums up his entire career delves deep into the subconscious desires of Henry Jones Jr. But in the end it was too late, and he drifts off into death as he and Marian walk out the church door, the audience lamenting its lost hero and the director poignantly pointing out with some hat trick that there will never again be another Indiana Jones. That modern society, with its obsessions of CGI, Aliens, Over the Top stunts and lack of real mortal enemies, could never support the daring do of
a man with a whip.
And where exactly was his whip?
*start movie*
Germans? I bet the kids in the trucks are germans.
Yup.
They're sneak attacking the base! Will the Germans steal a nuclear bomb?
Oh wait, they're Russians. The commies are after the ark? Mummified remains? I think Cate Blanchett looks like that famous asian spy lady I can't think of right now, Mata Hari. Only her accent is horrible. Magnetic gunpowder cloud? Really? oh....Roswell. I thought the aliens came at the end.
Why can't Spielberg stay away from aliens? And why would you open the mummy in the warehouse? Jay likes the sound of guns going down. I fail to see how you could drive the car with some case in it that's so magnetized, gunpowder drifted to it from across the warehouse.
Alright, I think I've found the problem with this movie. Indy survives a nuclear blast in a fridge? And doesn't immediately get crushed in the impact. And climbs out among burning debris with no thought to his testicles, as he stands casually and surveys the mushroom cloud about a mile away. Did I mention he got thrown a mile in a fridge, with no broken bones? And the CGI prairie dogs survived and don't have tumours all over their furry little bellies?
Now we get nice little civic lesson in bad government. The FBI thinks he's rogue. Indy gets fired? Maybe he'll start a petition, maybe an internet petition. That would be swell.
Now liberal extremist McCarthy targeted fired intellectual teams up with funny looking Jewish boy to fight the Russians, appropriate.
Indy just said "typhus".
Also, how does Indy not believe in "stories" at this point? ALSO what the hell is with that library scene? They slide a bike on its side underneath multiple tables and no one breaks a leg? Then he tells the kids to stay out of the library? Try staying out of the FALLOUT CLOUD, asshole. I'm sure Indy learned an obscure Incan language by staying out of the library. And he phoned in his doctorate.
I bet five dollars the conquistadors are alive at the end of this movie. Kept alive by the aliens.
I guess smaller scorpions are more poisonous, we googled it, its true. Also we bought some tamarind at Asian Plaza and eating it from the pod is like sucking the flesh of a penis made of sweet potato.
Shia Le Bouf is doing a GOOD job of making old Indy still look tough. I wonder if that was in his contract. "Hey I'll do this movie, but my sidekick can't be cuter than me and also has to be an obvious weakling."
Wait there are the conquistadors, they've been mummified with alien magic! I don't think in general just opening up mummies randomly with no planning is a good idea...wasn't there another movie about that?
We also got these tamarind candies that are coated in sugar and chili, I can't stop eating them. I'm going to get an Asian tummy ache.
The crystal skull: doesn't speak to everyone huh? Only crazy archaelogists from England? "Stare into the the skull" she says. "We will turn you into us" she says. The Russian plot is to turn America into Russian, subliminally. With a bunch of crystallized alien heads. This is like a political club over the head. Psychic warfare, a misguided FBI, alien conspiracy. I think Spielberg is an Air America fan.
"Autowriting. I should have seen this"
Well, we all should have honey.
The dinosaurs are crawling through the forest! Wait no, the commies brought a tree chipper to the Amazon. Now we're going to the magic alien city, and annoying jewish boy is Indy's son. So of course we have to hear fugly Marian and old Indy argue. I always hated Marian. I guess it's good Indy has a kid now, because he will NEVER HAVE CHILDREN AGAIN NOW THAT HE IS THOROUGHLY IRRADIATED and also will die of leukemia in a month.
Apparently Shia is the Monkey King. And the skull keeps away acres of demon possessed ants away but in close proximity, so Indy can have a fight in the circle of ant death with a Russian who will lose his face. And Ox is Willie Nelson in a poncho. And indian ninjas are stalking them. And Spielberg believes he invents aliens with every single movie , so he has to beat us over the head with the info that "hey these are aliens" even though they are the most cliche aliens ever and we all know what alien skulls look like thank you.
This entire movie was designed to be turned into an amusement park ride. I'm all like, well, there's gonna be a waterfall coming up, because in the car chase, the good guys have the car/boat. And then there's three waterfalls.
The booby traps in the temple SUCK.
Now Mata Hari has returned the head to the crystal skeleton alien, and all the aliens are meshing together, and they're one alien! And the place disentagrates. I think it's safe to assume that every temple left intact is booby trap free, because obviously they all get destroyed anytime anything exciting happens in them. I will feel much safer in temples having realized this.
Mata Hari's head explodes, or maybe she just goes to another dimension. I thought the aliens were giving her the gift of knowledge, but then she explodes. So these are either evil aliens, which means the theory of the movie is that civilization was founded by a bunch of wankers. Or really she goes off with them, becomes enlightened, and spreads the good word of Communism to the universe. She did return the head after all. Which was what they wanted, right? So I think Mata Hari wins.
Meaning Spielberg is a Communist. The entire movie points to it. I mean, she didn't want to keep the skull, she was going to give it back, so Indy and friends were just these obnoxious capitalists who got in the way of her quest for enlightenment. And then when it happened, they got scared and ran. But the strong Ruskie stayed and was rewarded. Americans are weak. Communists are seeking real truth. And humanity is not ready for the return of the superior race.
Finally, Indy marries some ugly broad he dumped years ago cause now he has a kid with her. And everyone leaves happily ever after, except Shia, who has now tarnished his Holes image forever.
Or this whole movie was a dream Indy had as he was dying, locked in the fridge. He imagined all the things he wish he had, a family, a lost love, a meaning behind his work, actual touch with the universal. Maybe this movie was in fact Indy's metaphysical awakening to the gaps in his life, the "looking into the light" moment that sums up his entire career delves deep into the subconscious desires of Henry Jones Jr. But in the end it was too late, and he drifts off into death as he and Marian walk out the church door, the audience lamenting its lost hero and the director poignantly pointing out with some hat trick that there will never again be another Indiana Jones. That modern society, with its obsessions of CGI, Aliens, Over the Top stunts and lack of real mortal enemies, could never support the daring do of
a man with a whip.
And where exactly was his whip?
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Liveblogging...Drinking....Election 2008
9:03, I'm stuck with CNN, smirnoff and peanut butter M&Ms in my hotel room. Pennsylvania went blue, which should ease Doug's mind. Yay for not being the bitter racists they all said you were, cousin! Also Minnesota, and Warner in Virginia which is not surprising but awesome nonetheless. Now they're using some stupid touch screens to show exit poll demos. Turns out people don't care about race? Wonkette has something about a bull being slaughtered in Kenya if Barack wins. Fuck the cow.
9:06 Dude, we got the senate. woohoo! Now everyone is talking about race, and some guy is saying "the world has to love us now", and everyone is agreeing. The black guy will save us from the angry communists! These people are blathering about race with no real sincerity behind it. "It appears people worked thru their racial issues" and decided they'd still rather have the black than the republican. Another guy just said if republicans can't beat a lunatic like Al Franken, then they're in bad shape. True dat. Wow, what if Franken wins?
Carville is a lizard monster from He-man.
9:12 Why does it seem that Anderson Cooper is hosting a VH1 reality show? Fuck you Georgia.
9:14 Kerry won Mass again. Good for him I guess. But he's just gonna leave anyway to be in the administration. My channel lineup has only CNN, but Dirty Jobs is on the next one up. And its appropriate, cause they're in a salt mine, and also Kerry is made of salt.
9:18 So the Dems are sweeping the senate so far. And remember how I railed against the electoral college 8 years ago? Yeah, I take it back.
9:12 How would Gergen do on Tila Tequila I wonder? I think Borger would kick his ass, she looks like she likes her tequila straight. Oops, unintended pun.
When Anderson Cooper says "We have another projection to make", he narrows his eyes like a gunfighter.
9:24 Hank Williams is getting more screen time than he ever deserved. Republicans like bad music.
9:26 I lied. I guess I also get Fox News. Yippee. The anchor looks like he has already died, and was reanimated just for his contractual obligation. Nicole Wallace has obviously had her cheeks stapled in prep for this night. Wow, Nicole is really throwing in the towel here. She just called McCain scrappy. I wonder how she's not crying discussing Pennsylvania. I would at least be tearing up if I had spent so much time working on this damn campaign.
9:29 What the hell is Prop 2?
9:30 I love you Ohio. I miss you, I love you, I will never talk smack about you again. Oh, Ohio, how I long to see you right now....You're the best. I'm crying just thinking about how much I love you, really.
9:31 Also you, New Mexico. You're more than just a pretty face.
9:33 Oh, Prop 2 is something where Austin City Council is forbidden from trying to lure in retail development or redevelopment with financial incentives. Wow.
9:35 I just noticed I have a lot of bruises on my legs. Ah, seriously, they just referred to the headquarters of the Confederacy...
9:37 Katie Couric's election coverage set is just, blah. Really, it's like it was a challenge on Top Design, do this set with only 20 dollars. But thank god the other channels are joining in now
9:39, YES Kenya Coverage. Kenyans still read newspapers! I wish I was at that party. Why is it that all of Kenya feels related to Obama?
9:40 yes we know that Texas went to McCain. I could have called that 4 years ago. I miss Ohio :(
9:42 This guy is just touching this screen and giving McCain states willy nilly just to show the worst case scenario. Then he said "please, if you're out west, please for the love of god, vote" I think that's what he said. I could have misheard him, I had some tequila myself tonight.
9:44 HaHa, they're all like, hey go to CNN.com and see if YOU can come up with a way to get McCain to 270. C'mon, we dare you.
9:45 did you know Andrew Jackson could swear in two languages, English and Spanish?
Also, I just learned that birds do in fact have penises.
9:48 I wish I had BBC right now. How is it that I don't even have DECENT CABLE on election day. Seriously.
9:49 One station has McCain at 130 electoral, and another at 78?
9:50 You know if Ohio is so important to you every 4 years, why don't you fuckers stop SHITTING ON OHIO?
9:51 I think that CNN is literally sticking random opinionated people at the table, and if they don't talk enough, move them out. Cause these faces keep changing except for Borger and the 2 old white guys. Maybe this IS a reality show.
9:52 Everyone laughs at the idea of talking about Palin at all right now.
9:57 I just learned I missed a HOLOGRAM of some girl on CNN? Damnit. Also, somebody just insinuated that Obama held his rally in Grant Park because that's where Lollapalooza was.
9:59 Hey guys, Joe the Plumber doesn't represent us because WHITE America is no longer the REAL America. Hello Iowa. Go back to the closet Utah, no one wants to be mormon.
10:02 Okay, we know Obama is going to win. But what I really want to know is what kind of turnout? What's the increase in new voters? These people are going to be sharing my elections with me for the next 20 years, I'd like to know how massive this is.
10:04 Now we're being told Obama is Reagan, and not just because of the popular vote, but because Obama will be Reagan. I don't care about GOP insiders jumping off bridges please.
10:06 I guess the theme of the night now is that the Democrats are winning because they are actually Republicans.
10:08 Everyone is getting snippy with each other because the Republican strategists are being sore losers.
10:10 The argument/snippy bloodshed just ended because "all we need are nine votes on the Supreme Court" and everyone laughed. Ha Ha, that's SO FUCKING FUNNY
10:13 Brit Hume is threatening to cry. I think I will only watch Fox News from this point on. I really love all the horrible depressing AARP ads on Fox. I really hope they keep going with those after the election. Also, there was just an ad for CSX! The train company! Saying how they're cheaper than gas powered trucks! Yay for trains coming back!
10:15 Will Fox News implode on itself? Stay tuned....According to Fox, McCain has 135 electoral and Obama has 207. They must be counting the GHOST states, you know, the REAL states.
10:17 Now Brit Hume is throwing Sarah Palin under the bus. Bill Kristol, who has already covered his ass by going on the Daily Show every week and making jokes about himself, is unable to make eye contact with anyone at the table. Kristol is like, wait a second, these exit polls aren't supporting that Palin had any effect on this. And now the Fox dogs are like "no, you're not asking the questions right, if they asked it the right way, it's all Palin's fault!"
10:20 OH MY GOD look at all the people in Chicago!
10:21 Brit Hume has been saying for TWO YEARS that McCain needed a Get Out The Vote drive, and he was obviously the winner before Palin, and then Palin said "fuck those votes" and she is a evil crazy criminal who only speaks to poor crazy appalachia women, who are evil.
10:23 Doug was telling me I need to look at Nebraska's electoral system, cause it's all weird, and I agree. Not right now though.
10:26 Is it weird that I miss MSNBC right now? I want Olbermann and Matthews...I want to see Matthews cry tears of joy...It is absolutely impossible for me to get any kind of Obama love right now from anyone.
10:29 Now Obama didn't win the white vote, but it doesn't matter because he got the Latino vote, the black vote, and the youth vote (and none of those youth are white at all). And they are proud of the youth, because instead of the stupid violent youth in the 60s, this youth is rebelling within the system! He's the first "post civil right movement baby" to become President. You know, it's because he knows how to use the internet right?
10:34 Wonkette just speculated a new Tory based political party....Everyone on Fox sounds sedated, and kind of like they wish they could just stop talking. They also keep saying that "some people thought this wouldn't work" and "some people thought the Jews wouldn't vote for him". Some people huh?
God, Fox is just unwatchable. Its fine to hate them when you think they are working, but when they are losing? It's so pathetic to be stupid mean and a loser.
10:37 Another hologram! Of the Senate building! Campbell Brown is sitting at the table in front of it, but she has to look at the TV screens to see it, and she looks uncomfortable.
10:39 We will probably not get the necessary fillibuster blockers...If Franken wins, I am deleting this blog and running for office in Wyoming.
10:42 Please Please Please get to 11 already. I want to fall asleep to a concession speech. My mother sends all her emails with the subject heading: Momogram.
10:46 Will.I.Am is getting "beamed to you, like in Star Trek" from Grant Park. His mom is proud of him for inspiring people to vote. The Yes We Can video. CNN is interviewing Will.I.Am thru hologram about his youtube video. What the fuck.
10:48 I just saw a Norfolk Southern Commercial! People do realize that coal is dirty too right?
10:50 The music for Fox New Election sounds like the really dangerous part of an action movie where the hero is about to fall of the ledge.
10:51 The Fox news touch screen is defective, and OBAMA WON VIRGINIA. But like the Barbie doll points out, it's just because that dumb state has too many black people. And stupid independents who are swung too easily. He still lost with the white voters, who are the ones who count.
10:53 The Republicans have to go back to being the "reform" party. They need to apply their "timeless principles" to "big ideas" and "clean their house" Ha Ha, the Democrats HAVE cleaned your house, bitches. And your principles had a time, it was 120 years ago. Also, try electing Congressmen who don't embarrass you all the time by being inarticulate bastards. This guy just warned about the "Europeanization of America".
10:56 Call It! Call It! Call It!
10:57 "If Obama wins tonight, it will be the fifth consecutive presidential election where the nominee with the better war record lost".
10:58 Anderson steels his gaze....yes we know about Virginia. C'MON. At least they said "LBJ" instead of "LBA" like Barbie.
AND YES.
BARACK OBAMA IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
10:59 Everyone in Grant Park starts having sex with each other.
9:06 Dude, we got the senate. woohoo! Now everyone is talking about race, and some guy is saying "the world has to love us now", and everyone is agreeing. The black guy will save us from the angry communists! These people are blathering about race with no real sincerity behind it. "It appears people worked thru their racial issues" and decided they'd still rather have the black than the republican. Another guy just said if republicans can't beat a lunatic like Al Franken, then they're in bad shape. True dat. Wow, what if Franken wins?
Carville is a lizard monster from He-man.
9:12 Why does it seem that Anderson Cooper is hosting a VH1 reality show? Fuck you Georgia.
9:14 Kerry won Mass again. Good for him I guess. But he's just gonna leave anyway to be in the administration. My channel lineup has only CNN, but Dirty Jobs is on the next one up. And its appropriate, cause they're in a salt mine, and also Kerry is made of salt.
9:18 So the Dems are sweeping the senate so far. And remember how I railed against the electoral college 8 years ago? Yeah, I take it back.
9:12 How would Gergen do on Tila Tequila I wonder? I think Borger would kick his ass, she looks like she likes her tequila straight. Oops, unintended pun.
When Anderson Cooper says "We have another projection to make", he narrows his eyes like a gunfighter.
9:24 Hank Williams is getting more screen time than he ever deserved. Republicans like bad music.
9:26 I lied. I guess I also get Fox News. Yippee. The anchor looks like he has already died, and was reanimated just for his contractual obligation. Nicole Wallace has obviously had her cheeks stapled in prep for this night. Wow, Nicole is really throwing in the towel here. She just called McCain scrappy. I wonder how she's not crying discussing Pennsylvania. I would at least be tearing up if I had spent so much time working on this damn campaign.
9:29 What the hell is Prop 2?
9:30 I love you Ohio. I miss you, I love you, I will never talk smack about you again. Oh, Ohio, how I long to see you right now....You're the best. I'm crying just thinking about how much I love you, really.
9:31 Also you, New Mexico. You're more than just a pretty face.
9:33 Oh, Prop 2 is something where Austin City Council is forbidden from trying to lure in retail development or redevelopment with financial incentives. Wow.
9:35 I just noticed I have a lot of bruises on my legs. Ah, seriously, they just referred to the headquarters of the Confederacy...
9:37 Katie Couric's election coverage set is just, blah. Really, it's like it was a challenge on Top Design, do this set with only 20 dollars. But thank god the other channels are joining in now
9:39, YES Kenya Coverage. Kenyans still read newspapers! I wish I was at that party. Why is it that all of Kenya feels related to Obama?
9:40 yes we know that Texas went to McCain. I could have called that 4 years ago. I miss Ohio :(
9:42 This guy is just touching this screen and giving McCain states willy nilly just to show the worst case scenario. Then he said "please, if you're out west, please for the love of god, vote" I think that's what he said. I could have misheard him, I had some tequila myself tonight.
9:44 HaHa, they're all like, hey go to CNN.com and see if YOU can come up with a way to get McCain to 270. C'mon, we dare you.
9:45 did you know Andrew Jackson could swear in two languages, English and Spanish?
Also, I just learned that birds do in fact have penises.
9:48 I wish I had BBC right now. How is it that I don't even have DECENT CABLE on election day. Seriously.
9:49 One station has McCain at 130 electoral, and another at 78?
9:50 You know if Ohio is so important to you every 4 years, why don't you fuckers stop SHITTING ON OHIO?
9:51 I think that CNN is literally sticking random opinionated people at the table, and if they don't talk enough, move them out. Cause these faces keep changing except for Borger and the 2 old white guys. Maybe this IS a reality show.
9:52 Everyone laughs at the idea of talking about Palin at all right now.
9:57 I just learned I missed a HOLOGRAM of some girl on CNN? Damnit. Also, somebody just insinuated that Obama held his rally in Grant Park because that's where Lollapalooza was.
9:59 Hey guys, Joe the Plumber doesn't represent us because WHITE America is no longer the REAL America. Hello Iowa. Go back to the closet Utah, no one wants to be mormon.
10:02 Okay, we know Obama is going to win. But what I really want to know is what kind of turnout? What's the increase in new voters? These people are going to be sharing my elections with me for the next 20 years, I'd like to know how massive this is.
10:04 Now we're being told Obama is Reagan, and not just because of the popular vote, but because Obama will be Reagan. I don't care about GOP insiders jumping off bridges please.
10:06 I guess the theme of the night now is that the Democrats are winning because they are actually Republicans.
10:08 Everyone is getting snippy with each other because the Republican strategists are being sore losers.
10:10 The argument/snippy bloodshed just ended because "all we need are nine votes on the Supreme Court" and everyone laughed. Ha Ha, that's SO FUCKING FUNNY
10:13 Brit Hume is threatening to cry. I think I will only watch Fox News from this point on. I really love all the horrible depressing AARP ads on Fox. I really hope they keep going with those after the election. Also, there was just an ad for CSX! The train company! Saying how they're cheaper than gas powered trucks! Yay for trains coming back!
10:15 Will Fox News implode on itself? Stay tuned....According to Fox, McCain has 135 electoral and Obama has 207. They must be counting the GHOST states, you know, the REAL states.
10:17 Now Brit Hume is throwing Sarah Palin under the bus. Bill Kristol, who has already covered his ass by going on the Daily Show every week and making jokes about himself, is unable to make eye contact with anyone at the table. Kristol is like, wait a second, these exit polls aren't supporting that Palin had any effect on this. And now the Fox dogs are like "no, you're not asking the questions right, if they asked it the right way, it's all Palin's fault!"
10:20 OH MY GOD look at all the people in Chicago!
10:21 Brit Hume has been saying for TWO YEARS that McCain needed a Get Out The Vote drive, and he was obviously the winner before Palin, and then Palin said "fuck those votes" and she is a evil crazy criminal who only speaks to poor crazy appalachia women, who are evil.
10:23 Doug was telling me I need to look at Nebraska's electoral system, cause it's all weird, and I agree. Not right now though.
10:26 Is it weird that I miss MSNBC right now? I want Olbermann and Matthews...I want to see Matthews cry tears of joy...It is absolutely impossible for me to get any kind of Obama love right now from anyone.
10:29 Now Obama didn't win the white vote, but it doesn't matter because he got the Latino vote, the black vote, and the youth vote (and none of those youth are white at all). And they are proud of the youth, because instead of the stupid violent youth in the 60s, this youth is rebelling within the system! He's the first "post civil right movement baby" to become President. You know, it's because he knows how to use the internet right?
10:34 Wonkette just speculated a new Tory based political party....Everyone on Fox sounds sedated, and kind of like they wish they could just stop talking. They also keep saying that "some people thought this wouldn't work" and "some people thought the Jews wouldn't vote for him". Some people huh?
God, Fox is just unwatchable. Its fine to hate them when you think they are working, but when they are losing? It's so pathetic to be stupid mean and a loser.
10:37 Another hologram! Of the Senate building! Campbell Brown is sitting at the table in front of it, but she has to look at the TV screens to see it, and she looks uncomfortable.
10:39 We will probably not get the necessary fillibuster blockers...If Franken wins, I am deleting this blog and running for office in Wyoming.
10:42 Please Please Please get to 11 already. I want to fall asleep to a concession speech. My mother sends all her emails with the subject heading: Momogram.
10:46 Will.I.Am is getting "beamed to you, like in Star Trek" from Grant Park. His mom is proud of him for inspiring people to vote. The Yes We Can video. CNN is interviewing Will.I.Am thru hologram about his youtube video. What the fuck.
10:48 I just saw a Norfolk Southern Commercial! People do realize that coal is dirty too right?
10:50 The music for Fox New Election sounds like the really dangerous part of an action movie where the hero is about to fall of the ledge.
10:51 The Fox news touch screen is defective, and OBAMA WON VIRGINIA. But like the Barbie doll points out, it's just because that dumb state has too many black people. And stupid independents who are swung too easily. He still lost with the white voters, who are the ones who count.
10:53 The Republicans have to go back to being the "reform" party. They need to apply their "timeless principles" to "big ideas" and "clean their house" Ha Ha, the Democrats HAVE cleaned your house, bitches. And your principles had a time, it was 120 years ago. Also, try electing Congressmen who don't embarrass you all the time by being inarticulate bastards. This guy just warned about the "Europeanization of America".
10:56 Call It! Call It! Call It!
10:57 "If Obama wins tonight, it will be the fifth consecutive presidential election where the nominee with the better war record lost".
10:58 Anderson steels his gaze....yes we know about Virginia. C'MON. At least they said "LBJ" instead of "LBA" like Barbie.
AND YES.
BARACK OBAMA IS THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
10:59 Everyone in Grant Park starts having sex with each other.
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