Pop Goes the Roc

My sister recently had a conniption when I told her I did not like Beyonce's Videophone video. Or, for that matter, any Lady Gaga video. Cause I know. I'm all white and artsy, I should be fucking in love with Gaga, right? Wrong. I know y'all think that because I like Britney, I like all shitty pop music. But I have a high standard of pop, and that crap does not fit it.

I do however LOVE that Jay-Z/Rhianna/Kanye West video above. And let's break down why:

1. The more post apocalyptic the setting, the more reminiscent of Mad Max and 80's terrorism, the better. And Jay-Z has always had the ability to emanate power, no matter how ridiculous the director's vision. He could be in a room of rabid wolverines, or transported to the Thundercats fortress, and he would still emanate.

2. I love the roles they have. Jay-Z as Caesar. Rhianna as the bloodthirsty prophetic princess (like an evil snitty daddy's girl sidekick demon), Kanye as the hothead court jester who's still better with words than the king. One can easily picture Beyonce as the evil Queen lounging in the inner court. All hip hop should be D&D based.

3. It's catchier. Better. Danceable. I hate this trend of slow the auto-tune down, make it awkward. Gaga does not make me want to dance, or even move slightly. It makes me want to sit very still with a sniper rifle. Beyonce has been hitting fifty fifty on that score. I like her, because after all like Carrie said "she's the world's most beautiful woman who keeps coming up with more and more ways to show creative nudity" or something like that. But I hate serious Beyonce. I'm sure it's why Kelly Rowland doesn't like her either. I mean, she says she does, but we know better.

4. "I can spend my whole life Good Will Hunting, only good that gonna come is its good when I'm fucking" "Don't give a damn about the drama that your dude bring, I'm just tryin to change the color of your mood ring." I love you Kanye. You are the cutest asshole at the bar. Now have some more Riesling.

5. Rich people pretending they are dirty, downtrodden revolutionaries is HAWT. And good for anthem songs. Also I'm pretty sure Jay-Z just told God to knock off.

So, in the future, Beyonce should make a video where she's Kali, and she decapitates men's heads and turns them into gold. Please.

Edit: I don't know why this video isn't showing up all of a sudden. I assume it's the Evil Empire. It will be remedied later tonight.

Edit Edit: okay, so it's working. Also, I think these three should do a vampire movie. Like, they're the vampires. Only just like this. It'll be like Lost Boys. We could call it Lost In Da Hood.