All day long I've been getting texts from people who were absolutely terrified by the sight of the Republican Convention in force shouting "drill baby drill!".
So here, let's do this. The Republicans can drill in ANWR, as long as they all go live there. I really wanted to see Alaska before it was spoiled, but hey, I'll make that sacrifice, as long as it means they stay the hell out of Ohio. They can have the 3% of oil reserves there, but they have to use them there. And they're not allowed to drill anywhere else, ever. When they're out, they're out.
Why don't we make a law that says all people who use gas must live within 50 miles of where the gas is being produced? No importing. I bet a lot of people would learn to ride a bike if the alternative was living in dirty carbon coated slums and working in the refinery. And think of what a relief that would be to the foreign policy mudpie.
Oh geez, why don't we just arrest all of them and throw them in work prisons, for not giving two shits about humanity's future? The Federation would never have allowed a faction this ignorant and selfish to flourish. They would have shipped them off to another world and washed their hands of them.
Yes! Send the Republicans to start another world! Man, seriously, inter-galactic colonization, after years of books and movies, just took on a whole new level of meaning to me. Get those fuckers out of here. Give them some planet of their own, where they can live however they want to, and we won't have to constantly fight to have any sort of reasonable government. Maybe our species has just gotten too big to live together? It's time to start thinking outside Terra, towards the future. We can appeal to their sense of missionary duty, they have to go sow the word of god among the cosmos! Remove themselves from worldly temptation! The angels told them to leave Sodom and Gomorrah, not stay and shit on the place! "But wait Bridget, won't that mean that at some point centuries from now, our two planets will become locked in a holy war spanning galaxies, thereby dooming their offspring to a gruesome genetic enmity for all foreseeable time?" Well, I've got greater confidence in the gene pool that would be left here, dude.
We decided at work today that Obama is not actually the anti-christ, Palin is. Sarah C. got into a fight last night with some girl on Facebook who said "I heart Sarah Palin". What better sign do you need that the end is nigh?
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Palin messed up the whole precedent that Hillary worked on for a year. If this chick gets in, it'll take another decade for women to be taken seriously in politics again. She and Condi can go get manicures together.
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