, originally uploaded by sharpshinyclaws.

This is not me. However, this is me. Right now.

The Chicago Tour of Dinosaurs

As one starts the shopping experience at the mouth of the river, one cannot help but be impressed with the sheer selection of dinosaurs available. No where else in the Midwest can you see such a variety, from the creaky old timers to the fast, sleek, and shiny.

A popular feature looked for in dinosaurs today is an ability to mimic their environment. Gone are the days when owners wanted a monster. The Puteulanus Unda Diligo seen above blends into the water and sky, and is particularly good at catching it's own prey, making upkeep that much easier. Also, it fits easily into corners.


Speculum Liberi are quite a common site in larger metropolises, but are not as hassle free as their big brothers. They have a tendency to be egotistical and territorial, and they are not good with small children. If you are going to keep several of them, be sure there is only one male in the herd.


I tend to be old fashioned in my taste, which is why I love these Chalybs Flumen Os. They may not do much during the day, but watch them carefully towards dusk.


Chalybs Compages of Fatum, another nocturnal river frequenter, is a joy to watch, if you have the patience. Here, in a rare daytime sighting, we can see the mother on the look out for predators, while her child plays in the water. Chalybs of all sorts are very maternal.


The grand Mellis certamen of parcus Moestitia mate for life.

A group of quadratus Northmanni feed in the sunlight.



The Ebullio gum Monasteriense is certainly large and imposing, but dinosaurs this old tend to be a little crabby and not very social. They are ideal for the elderly owner, who desires companionship without the hyperness of youth.

A particularly dangerous species, the Stipes Muneris Periculosus will chew on anything it comes across. It lies in wait like a rock, letting the victims climb over it's seemingly uniform facade, until the moment is right. Then a large gaping mouth sucks the food in like a vacuum tube. We were lucky to be able to get so close without startling it.


Finally, my favorite was the Lux lucis quod Viaticus dinosaur. Look at the beauty and grace! And a healthy one like this can live for centuries, making them an excellent investment.

Of course, it's important when keeping beautiful creatures like this in captivity to try and recreate their natural environments as much as possible. The keepers of the Chicago sanctuary make sure to keep the river shores stocked with small snacks and treats, in order to stimulate the minds of their charges and give them some exercise. If you are thinking of setting up your own display, talk to your local commissioner, who will be able to tell you the freshest suppliers.

Other dinosaur pics (otherwise known as the Chicago Architectural Boat Tour, if you want to be a killjoy) can be found here.

Gary Indiana, Gary Indiana, Gary Indiana

I apologize for not touching this blog all week, except to feed you some sentimental trip about ANTM. I've had the flu, and I've been in hiding, since everyone in public areas looks at me like I'm Patient Zero. Also, last weekend was very....tumultuous. I've just been hanging out in normalcy for a minute. Oh, but I took some great pictures.

It is the highlight of every trip to Chicago for me when the Megabus goes through Gary, IN. It is NOT the highlight of every trip when the inevitable drunk halfwit starts singing the Music Man. Let me enjoy my industrial destruction in peace please. I particularly like the landscape at night, when all the steel mills are lit up like a human baby battery farm.

Sadly, I've been told I'm not allowed to go into Gary at night without body armor and a gun. However, my sister and I are certainly not going to be told we can't wander Gary by ourselves in the daylight. Cause we're not ridiculous. So last Sunday we took a 3 hour cruise through the Little Town that Couldn't.

By lucky coincidence, the episode of Life After People I saw a few days before the trip featured Gary! As an example of what a city would look like 30 years after everyone disappeared. Wah wah. But it gave me some great landmarks to look for. Quite frankly, I don't know why everyone is so scared of Gary. It looks pretty much like some of the worser parts of Cleveland's East Side, apocalyptic sure, but not Mad Maxian. And we didn't see even one roving dog gang. Which quite frankly was disappointing.



First stop was Union Station, the old Gary train station. It's nestled in between City Hall and the Steel Mill. The train runs right beside it, which is awesome until you remember the roof is falling down.





Next we found the Palace Theater. This one was unfortunately pretty well sealed, and while I'm sure we could have broken in somehow, I don't relish going into large squatter friendly buildings that have no windows without a flashlight.

I'm convinced someone planted those letters on the Marquee for a photo op. Or someone has since glued them into place.



My favorite too scary for words building was the old Methodist church. It had a fence around it, which had been completely torn down by the entrance. And sure it was right next to the police station, but that doesn't seem to have stopped anyone. If I had been in there with a group of people, I could have stayed forever. It was beautiful. But also the whole place was cellars and dark corners and tiny unseen rooms, which was actually terrifying. Plus there was there was this scary scene from The Warriors:







We looked for the Frank Lloyd Wright house that was discovered here in 1995...but all we found was a missing address.



And finally, we found the Gary Aquatorium in Marquette Park. This whole park was beautiful, sand dunes and art deco on the lake. You could really see what Gary used to be when you stood there. And off in the distance you could see the blue shadows of the steel mills and Chicago, in another world completely. Gary reminded me of the Deep South, in the winter. Isolated, empty, preserved.

As we drove out of the park though, we passed the new renovated Bathing House in which someone was having a wedding. Seeing the Sunday hats and shiny cars was a shock, reminding us that normal people actually lived here. In those fairly nice houses all around the park. Because Gary is not actually dead, it's just rotten at its downtown core.





The rest of my Gary pictures can be found here.

America's Next Top Model Cycle 12 Recap: Beware of the Bird

(note: I will eventually post my spectacular soul moving Chicago pics, as soon as they are finished uploading to Flickr, which at the rate they're going should be by sometime next August..)

Once upon a time, in a large metropolis by the sea, a very pretty very old princess was getting cosmopolitan bored. Princess Paulina had once been a great beauty, renown for her wrinkled nose and very curly tail. Now she sat in her gardens sighing, while courtiers pranced around her, vying for her attention. The sad, sad life of a washed up fashion whale was hers, doomed to flounder on the sand, gasping for air, while well meaning commoners doused her with water.

4 travelers came one night to the gates of the city. The Queen, the Prince, the Tin Man, and the Rogue had been wandering the countryside for weeks, searching for the famed Cover Girl Contract of Certain Fame. Apprehended by the royal guards, they were brought before the Princess Paulina, who clapped and laughed with joy at the prospect of new entertainment, as she had tired of imitating strange fey English men. Her handmaids held the prisoners down, and dressed them in garish flounces and ribbons. The Princess then brought out her favorite pet, a large black bear by the name Fernando, who had once hunted on the slopes of Siberia, who had once drank the waters of the mighty Volga, and who now in his captured senility danced an awkward samba with our terrified heroes.

One by one the bear paraded them around the great hall/rooftop. First the Tin Man, whose joints screamed for oil and love, but the cries fell on deaf royal ears. The Queen persevered, knowing that true royal blood can handle any task, and not even a bear’s hot breath can melt a truly cool exterior. She glided and smiled, twirled and plotted. The Princess glared, jealous of her true grace, and declared “desperation is not sexy”. Next came the Prince, awkward, plain, and stumble-footed. Dancing was clearly not his forte. Oh but the Rogue! The Rogue had fought her way through dancehalls before, and as she enchanted the court, she slyly picked the pocket of several fictional cameramen.
The Princess, having snarked to her fill, threw the travelers into the great Condo Lofts of Doom, a terrible plastic place, perpetually enrobed in gloom. The party diligently practiced their best jester routines, or as the Rogue referred to it, their “chiki chiki tooming”. But just as exhaustion and corns were beginning to overtake them, an ominous missal appeared from the heavens, bearing the alien crest of their homeland The Federated States of Weird Flags as if to taunt them. A riddle! They were to “pushed out of the nest”! No one slept in that terrible place that night.

The next morning (though it remained darkest night over the Towering Condos) the brave foursome were hogtied and driven in an evil smelling van to the Vast Feral Forest. The Prince recalled various legends placing this as the home of a Wild Haired Wild Eyed Woman, who devoured young girls and sucked on their bones to build her sets. And sure enough, not 3 parsecs from the middle of nowhere, the Wild Haired Wild Eyed Woman blocked their path, her legs crossed to her shoulders, her eyes of glass gleaming black. She stared them down, contemplating their fate, as they sat idling in the humidity. Finally, a slow smile spread across her oil slicked face. The travelers shook to their well heeled toes.

First she took the Tin Man. The Tin Man had resolved to have a heart, to be brave as he left, and set a good example for the others left behind. He hardly trembled at all as the forest witch covered him with chicken feathers and threw him into a giant nest. It was the nest of a Giant Condor, and he was to be dinner for its young ones. But the little monsters took one look at the unappealing metal, one nip at an unprotected elbow, and promptly threw him out.

Next the Rogue volunteered, certain she could slay whatever evil lay wait. She blended into the shadows of the nest, and rearranged her hair to look like twigs, and the stupid birds didn’t even see her.

The Frustrated Witch shook with anger, and roughly grabbed the Queen, who merely sat in the corner of the nest and looked kindly but firmly at the baby condors. Within the course of fifteen minutes, she had taught them how to distinguish a salad fork from a tuning fork, and which way the world turns in a leap year.

Finally, came the Prince, willingly. He longed to be done with his impossible journey, and lay complacently within the prickly walls of the nest, awaiting his fate. Unfortunately, this is a charmed Prince, the Prince of our story, and nothing bad can happen to him, no matter what he does or fails to do. As the Prince lay there waiting to be devoured, the mother Condor came swooping down. For a long moment, it seemed as if his eyeballs were destined to be jellied candies down the avian gullet, and really, no worse for the world. But the gracious, heroic Queen, aware that no royalty would fail to sacrifice itself for its people, threw herself across the path of the giant bird, and was carried away in it vicious talons. The Rogue, with no further thought for the sacrificed Queen, quickly took the opportunity to steal away into forest, and the cowering Prince and hesitant Tin Man followed suit.

The Tin Man knew though, as he followed those two into the dense vines, that his time would soon come. He knew they would soon require a boat or a weapon or a mirror, and would fall upon him as desperate selfish people do. The Queen, his only true protection, was gone…and the can opener awaited.

To be continued….

A Promise

I, Bridget Callahan, do solemnly swear to not touch the internets till at the very least 5/5, since there are better things to do in Chicago than twittering, including but not limited to:

-documenting the destruction of Gary
-marveling at a river that flows away from the giant lake
-looking for giant river otters in said dirty swath of toxic hydrogen
-contemplating the blisters on my heels and how they resemble a constellation of pain
-watching my sister do stand up comedy in a comic book store* (This Sunday, 7pm, Comics and Tonic), and feeling old and uninspired, in a good proud way.
-avoiding pizza
-celebrating International Workers Day by getting wasted with some activisty types I don't know. Huzzah!

*this is probably not really a comic book store, but SHOULD be.

America's Next Top Model Cycle 12: Redonkalous

A List of Things that Have Entertained Me Over the Last 24 Hours:

1. Arlen Spector. (not related, but still, at the top of the list)
2. Pho saying she does everything half-assed, including high school. Cause, see, she's a half ass. Or half pint. Half ounce. Whatever.

Oh the GO-SEE episode. The bane of every season, until these plucky little minxes hit the San Paulo scene. I think last night was the first time I have ever seen anyone employ a viable strategy for getting to her go-sees. Like, you know, planning your route. Or WALKING.

3. Aminat: "redonkalous"
4. Succubusses.
5. Teyonna walking out every time another girl was already there. Which was at least three times, maybe four.

Why did it seem like none of the Brazilian designers were from Brazil? Also, why did they all design the stupidest baggiest looking clothing ever? Rainbow colored bags. White bags. Brown bags. Beribboned bags. ALSO why were they all so unimpressed with America's beauties?

6. Pho is too short to do anything ever. She is a midget, a pygmy, a throwback of evolution. Oh wait, she's 5'7".
7. Aminat: "Cause I'm african and I'm never on time."

Teyonna won a lot of hideous clothing. Good for her. It will go with her hideous head.

8. Nigel made SURE he got the bathing suit shoot this year. But keeps his hands held laughably high every time he hugs the models. I'm convinced Nigel is a womanizer.
9. Jay actually wore normal clothes for a change.

Everyone's butts were blurred out, and Pho did so bad, so marionette from the dead bad, that it begs the question "is Pho not used to drinking?" Aminat was, as always, a drugged out ostrich on the planes of non-existence. Teyonna hunched like a gargoyle, her best picture turned out to be her hunched over the fat man, chewing his intestines. Allison emerged as the little milkmaid from the hot Brazilian flesh jungle, like a breath of air conditioning.

10. Every time Tyra gets a new wig, she gets a little more coocoo for coco puffs.
11. I am not wearing a medical mask. Dopes.
12. Allison is so ungraceful, she actually couldn't make it back to the dais during judgement. Miss Jay had to utilize his bow tie as a stretcher, to make sure she didn't break anything.

It's been devil hot the past three days. I felt cheated out of spring, until my hair stylist informed me that the rest of the week is supposed to be 60 and raining, which will be spectacular. Ashley's birthday party was fun last night. I particularly liked the salesman who's been to most of Asia, and I pestered him for 30 minutes, which is a long time to monopolize someone at a party but also he told me that the governments have been leveling the Smoky Mountains computer trash dumps/wall/slums. I went into a catatonic state from the disappointment of never fulfilling my dream to visit the piles of monitors, and all I remember is coming to in an ice bath, with a bandage on my torso, after which I passed out again. Then somehow it was 5am and we were just driving home. I slept for a few hours, woke up at 9am, then somewhere between sucking down juice and watching Gilmore Girls, I remembered to get my hair cut. Also remembered to get Carrie's birthday present. It was like it just clicked in my head that I have to be ready to leave Friday. Speaking of, how much does it suck when you finally get around to buying a Megabus ticket, which is like 40 dollars because it's the week of? Stupid.

I've seriously been shorted out by the heat. My processor is melted.

Beef Curry

Yes, I know it's cliche to take pictures of the sky all the time. But if you only knew how many times I sat in the backseat of my parents' car, wishing I could somehow make a dress those colors. I'm in awe of anyone who can convincingly paint light. And since my particular art skills will always fall under the crafty, not classical, I forgive myself. Lately my mind set has been vacillating between unthinking bland zombie dark insideness, and unthinking zombie happy outside lightness.

In case you didn't get the memo from one of your friends*, on Wednesday Popeye's Chicken had a special. 8 pieces for 4.99. Here is the resulting chaos. It was certainly an interesting way to celebrate Earth Day; chicken slaughtering and car idling. Speaking of zombies....

Those cars are not parked. That's the drive thru line.


Last night I went over Jays for Thai night, which has increasingly become a monthly thing. Instead of just me and Jay, we ended up with me and Jay and Kelly and Debra and Andrew and Lori and her son. You know, 7. Lucky for me, curry is the ultimate family style dinner. Saying curry and family in the same sentence is redundant.


I was not a big fan of the green curry dish I made a while ago, so I was a little scared about how this would turn out. Jay made coconut fried rice, which was SO good, it was practically dessert. And I'm pretty happy about how this turned out. I think I might make it a bit spicier if I was certain of my diners. But I'm getting the picture that anytime you combine coconut milk, sugar, garlic and fish sauce, it's going to be pretty fantastic. It kinda makes me feel like a kindergartner since most of Asia has known this since they were 2. But it's a happy kind of ignorance.

After dinner, we played Apples to Apples, and I got way too competitive with a very precocious 13 yr old. Wine and word games make me in it to win it people. Also, if anybody is ever interested in putting some money down....

Oh, and it's official, my phone is more ghetto than Kelly's. My monochrome screen put me over the top.

Beef Curry

note: I'm giving you the exact proportions I used, and you can see how much that made. So feel free to cut this in half. If you don't have a friend that rocks at making rice, serve it with jasmine rice. Buy yourself a rice maker. You know, half the world has one of those.

- 2 lbs lean beef cut into either chunks or strips

- 2 red bell peppers, chopped

- 1 pd sliced mushrooms

- 1/2 cup chopped basil

- 1 can coconut milk

- 2 tbsp fish sauce

- 2 tbsp red curry paste

- 2 tbsp brown sugar

- 2 tbsp minced garlic

- vegetable oil

In a wok, brown the beef in batches (fun!) using the vegetable oil and garlic, on high heat. Once cooked, but not overcooked, remove from heat.

Throw in the peppers and mushrooms. I sprinkled them with chili oil. Cook until softened.

Add the milk, sugar, paste, fish sauce, and basil. Stir to mix. Stir again just to be sure those chunks of curry paste don't end up in someones mouthful.

Then add the beef again and allow the dish to get warmed up before serving. Voila.

*No one who is your real friend would ever tell you about this.

Yesterday, in my long trek through the copy/paste netherworlds, I had the opportunity to listen to a lot of albums I hadn't heard in a long time. Mostly because they were the ones in my car. Albums go to die in my car.

Best Find? The Books - Thought for Food. Except for the super gross track at the end which is not appropriate for headphone wear.

Of course there were the inevitable long lost Strokes album, Built To Spill, and the first Decemberists album which has my birthday song on it. The Xanadu soundtrack.

Today, I'm trying out Calvin Harris I Created Disco, cause Jose said to. But guys, please send me along some new ideas. I've got three more days to go here. There's 8 hours in a day. Allowing for lunch, phone calls, and the inevitable emergency, that's still a lot of time that I can't spend listening to Queen over and over again. I'm looking for poppie, dancie, indie, not stupid music. That I don't know the words too, so I won't get caught singing. Again.

America's Next Top Model Cycle 12 Recap: The Earth Day Episode

Brazil used to have the highest rate of deforestation in the world. In 2007, thanks to conservation efforts, they cut that rate by 52%.

And on ANTM, we too have reached the halfway mark. What better country to fly the girls to than the cradle of the Amazon, the very pit of humanity vs. Nature? Since this show is basically the same battle. Of course, they won't be trekking in the jungle. But there are still piranhas to watch out for. Namely, rich white girls from California.

This week was really Natalie's shining moment. Here are a few choice quotes from her:

Beginning of the episode, referring to their new home: "This is Brazil, we know it's going to be awesome." Cause Brazil is known for its "awesome" housing.

Later, having seen the house, the Botanical Gardens, and the Girl from Ipanema: "I haven't seen anything special in Brazil." Stupid other countries looking exactly like Palo Alto.

Later still, during the photo shoot, complaining about the locale: "this isn't a good area. It's a poor area." Goodness, she even had to deal with a stray dog! The indignity!

So Natalie seemed to think that Brazil, known for its roving gangs of feral children, rampant police brutality, and extensive slums, was going to be one big romp through sexy South America. Oh Natalie. They should abandon you in the countryside for a few days, for your own good.

Otherwise, the episode was pretty standard. The girls had to run, yell at taxi drivers, fake fight each other with martial arts moves learned minutes before, and pose like drag queen Carmen Mirandas, in a (I think) tasteless homage to the Chiquita banana industry that has raped the countryside. Of course, no one knew who Carmen Miranda was. Oh, and Celia roundhoused Aminat in the head, which was fun. Jay Manuel referred to the "favela" as "neighborhood originally built by the poor" which is the nicest way of saying shanty town I've ever heard.

Natalie's picture of an angry Carmen Miranda slumped on a doorstep waiting for her next customer got her sent home. Aminat somehow stays, which means she had better be gone next week, because I cannot listen to her voice anymore. Allison won the photo shoot by looking least like a hooker and more like a nightclub floozie. Pho came in second, and actually CURTSIED to Tyra. Ice queen Celia melted.

And in the end, I was not satisfied, and was even more angsty when there was no new Lost. So the lesson here is that summer has come and I need to go outside more. And never wear fruit on my head. And probably shut off my cable.

In other news, I've been doing data entry at work for the past few days, helping them get caught up, and it's drained me. My head is full of point click point click point click. I also can't get twitter at work anymore. It's like the universe is conspiring to get me a little more disconnected. It's working.