America's Next Top Model Cycle 12: Redonkalous

A List of Things that Have Entertained Me Over the Last 24 Hours:

1. Arlen Spector. (not related, but still, at the top of the list)
2. Pho saying she does everything half-assed, including high school. Cause, see, she's a half ass. Or half pint. Half ounce. Whatever.

Oh the GO-SEE episode. The bane of every season, until these plucky little minxes hit the San Paulo scene. I think last night was the first time I have ever seen anyone employ a viable strategy for getting to her go-sees. Like, you know, planning your route. Or WALKING.

3. Aminat: "redonkalous"
4. Succubusses.
5. Teyonna walking out every time another girl was already there. Which was at least three times, maybe four.

Why did it seem like none of the Brazilian designers were from Brazil? Also, why did they all design the stupidest baggiest looking clothing ever? Rainbow colored bags. White bags. Brown bags. Beribboned bags. ALSO why were they all so unimpressed with America's beauties?

6. Pho is too short to do anything ever. She is a midget, a pygmy, a throwback of evolution. Oh wait, she's 5'7".
7. Aminat: "Cause I'm african and I'm never on time."

Teyonna won a lot of hideous clothing. Good for her. It will go with her hideous head.

8. Nigel made SURE he got the bathing suit shoot this year. But keeps his hands held laughably high every time he hugs the models. I'm convinced Nigel is a womanizer.
9. Jay actually wore normal clothes for a change.

Everyone's butts were blurred out, and Pho did so bad, so marionette from the dead bad, that it begs the question "is Pho not used to drinking?" Aminat was, as always, a drugged out ostrich on the planes of non-existence. Teyonna hunched like a gargoyle, her best picture turned out to be her hunched over the fat man, chewing his intestines. Allison emerged as the little milkmaid from the hot Brazilian flesh jungle, like a breath of air conditioning.

10. Every time Tyra gets a new wig, she gets a little more coocoo for coco puffs.
11. I am not wearing a medical mask. Dopes.
12. Allison is so ungraceful, she actually couldn't make it back to the dais during judgement. Miss Jay had to utilize his bow tie as a stretcher, to make sure she didn't break anything.