Sunday, October 17, 2010

It's All In Code at the Apple Farm

Please Press Play First. Do It. I'll be mad at you if you don't because you have no idea how long it took me to figure out how to embed this.

Looks Like: a picture of pumpkins for sale
Hidden Message: You are a jerk for not carving pumpkins with your parents still, even though you are over 30 and your parents may say that they are glad to not have all the mess anymore, or the danger of Daddy cutting himself, or having to clean up the porch after the neighborhood kids smash the damn thing, because really they are longing for you to sit at their counter drinking cider and bitching about how hard it is to cut the teeth. Also, you're not even carving pumpkins with your friends? What kind of person are you? (answer, the type of person who doesn't like cleaning up squash)

Looks Like: weird gourds
Hidden Message: Playing with Barbie brainwashed you into thinking everything thin and white is pretty. No, not really. Actually, there's a lesson about how every gourd is pretty even if they don't fit in with the other warty gourds. Or its about how ugly misshapen things are all beautiful when you ask money for them. Or it's about Mandelbrot's infinite coastline. No, I'm sticking with the first one.

Looks Like: a kid climbing on some hay
Hidden Message: God, do you know how hard it is to take pictures at something like an apple farm, without it looking like you are taking pictures of other people's kids, especially with a point and click? Thank god I am a woman, cause this would be ten times creepier if I was a man.

PS I totally just noticed that cloud looks like a skull. Which means that kid is probably a Death Eater, right?

Looks Like: an orchard in the sun
Hidden Message: There is no such thing as a bad picture of an orchard in the Fall, or frankly, any other time of the year. Trees in rows are awesome. There is however something known as the Orchard Money Shot. If you are riding on a tractor, it is a little hard to get, but just like the brave polar bear will wait on the ice for days to get that damn seal when it comes up to breathe, you can get the money shot. You just need to take about 100 pictures of trees. I would like to see an olive grove some day. There is a girl somewhere out there who lives by olive groves and is thinking the same thing about an apple orchard. There should be an exchange program for this. We could get the Orange girls and Banana girls in on it too.

Looks Like: a cornfield
Hidden Message: We don't get enough chances in our life to jump out and scare someone. I need to work on that.

Looks Like: more corn
Hidden Message: Get a box of cornflakes, and take out a few flakes in the palm of your hand. Look at them. Then look at the picture. Then the flakes again. THIS IS HOW THE WORLD WORKS.

Looks Like: A field of dying sunflowers
Hidden Message: Did you know dead sunflower paddles can be used to kill a man? Or at least knock him unconscious, those motherfuckers are solid. Also, you should really learn to go to the apple farm earlier in the year, so you can see them when they are pretty, instead of dead and looking very much like a field of people up for execution. I mean, it's still pretty, but in a way that requires you to feel mean for taking pictures of them.

Looks Like: fall foliage
Hidden Message: Dude, trees are like the most honest things ever.

Looks Like: a guy on a tractor
Hidden Message: use this as a litmus test. Anyone you meet who doesn't want to be this guy for at least five minutes is an asshole.


  1. I'm worried I won't make it apple picking this year so thanks for that, just in case. That sky is ridiculous. I want to lick it.

  2. There is nothing the same colors as the skies in Ohio.

  3. Corn flake code officially blew my mind.

  4. ah this makes me want to read and then watch Children of the Corn
    and then of course dress up and play children of the corn and scare some people.

    or you know drink cider and pick apples.

    that last picture was phenom. It made me want to at least go be outside.

  5. Oh man, that kid is definitely a death-eater! Quick, to diagonally!

  6. I am listening to the music right now. First timer here. Is this something that happens often? Now that I am expecting this to happen every time I visit...

    LOL. Just kidding.

    100% agree and love the last 2 hidden messages.

    p.s. I can't stay long because I am staring at KYW's nostrils...

  7. Ex- I know. It's a plant! Then, a hundred million carbon footprints later it's a flake!

    CP- next year I am going to take my halloween planning much more seriously, and it will include a haunted corn maze even if I have to drive to Indiana.

    Keeping - I knew it. I wish I hadn't seen the skull because now it's ALL I see.

    Absence - hey, nice to meet you. And yes, probably the music will always be there now because I've figured out how to do it and believe that I have the very best taste in music in the whole world. Which is not really a belief, so much as it is a fact.

  8. ...the last picture and the song: made my day.



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