Top Chef Las Vegas: Hey Las Vegas, stop whining about how nobody acknowledges you as a dining scene. F-ing sick of that.

So I’m not gonna lie. Last week I watched the Top Chef Masters Finale, and then didn’t stick around for the premiere of Top Chef Las Vegas. There were extenuating circumstances. For instance, I was pissed at Hubert Keller not winning. And I didn’t like that blue dress Padma was wearing in the promos. Also, the first episode of every Top Chef season is the throw away episode. There are too many contestants, and some of them are real jerks, and nobody looks good by the end. After watching Bayless, Keller, and that Italian guy throw down, I wasn’t in the mood for botched scallops.

This week, thanks to the endless generosity of cable, the premiere was replayed and I watched the end. It was exactly as annoying as I thought it would be. There’s always that one really dreadful chef that just sticks out beyond the rest of the curds, and they get sent home, and then everyone prepares to buckle down. This time it was Seitan girl, forever known now as Seitan girl, which is gross. It makes me think of a really disgusting Japanese version of a sex doll.

We all knew Eve was going home this week. What was she doing there? She kept making these hapless loosie goosie faces, and cooking unappealing dated things. I’m sure she is a very nice girl. But nobody, except Jesse, was worried last night. Jesse is always worried. She needs to stop cooking chicken.

But maybe she just isn’t cut out to deal with this crowd, because it’s a very good crowd. I mean, there’s like 20, 25 James Beard nominees? And Jennifer, the dark blonde horse. My theory about Jennifer is that she’s the secret love child of Eric Ripert, and has worked her way up through his restaurants anonymously, to prove to her father she can make it on her own. She’s the seafood queen, but for realsies, not in that fake boasting way that one contestant always claims early on. Remember that guy? Who couldn’t skin an eel? Maybe Jennifer sold her soul to a talking Halibut. I'm not convinced that's not a Ripert family legacy anyway, talking halibuts, wish granting, inability to move your forehead muscles.

So Jennifer is one of my favorites. MIT Kevin, the relevant part of the Pickle Brothers, is next. I don’t understand that nickname, but it’s catchy and reminds me of Richard Scarey. I like Romulus and Remus, otherwise known as Brian and Michael, (otherwise known as “something dramatic and secret has happened to drive these two brothers apart, into distant cities, each striving against the dark shadows from their childhood through the art of food, one destined to kill the other in a distant future”). And finally, I have great hopes for Mattin, the small country mouse whose only dream is to work in the kitchens of the great Parisian chefs, and also to defeat the army of evil rats, and marry the princess.

I am a little disappointed that the cream rose to the top so fast this season (see the credit I'm giving myself?). But I appreciate the twists the producers have added, to bring out more bloodshed. The 15,000 dollar quick fires for example. Should be some good crying over medical bills and family obligations thanks to that shit. I guess they needed more incentive to bring in the better chefs? Also Gail’s new laser eyes are awesome.

Till Next Week.