Monday, August 31, 2009

Cleveland Co-Operative Stove: Future Dig Site for Kensington Middle School Class of 2089

This was a fortress in the Mid-Cycean wars of the 2nd century. It was defended by the dying empire of the Titratians against a 700 day siege by the invading hillsmen of Cycea. (Class, be sure to keep together, and don't touch anything)

This is the gate that held back the bloodthirsty hordes of Night Otters, who were starved for weeks before being let loose on the evening campfires of the enemy. (Bridget, what are you whispering about? Pay attention.)

This is the courtyard where the glorious and brave Peter fought the evil Muskmen, warriors of the dead who fought side by side with their trained Mountain wolves.

Through this window, the stricken queen and her attendants gazed upon the burning barracks, and then killed themselves with knitting needles to preserve their virtue for the afterlife.

In the secret garden, Princess Reyna met with her lover, the manipulative King Olnes, who used her affection to gain the fortress's defensive secrets. She was later hung from the pillars and slashed by steel whips for her treachery. (Bridget, what did I tell you about making things up? No Jimmy, they did not hang anybody here. They made stoves here.)

The battle was long, bloody, and brutal. It spared no living person, animal, or plant, turning the fertile castle gardens into slurry of tainted red mud. (Jimmy, there is not blood on the ground. That's clay.)

Through this shaft, the royal archers positioned themselves for deadly attacks with their poisoned arrows, but eventually fell to bites of millions of lethal spiders planted by spies to grow in the ducts and burrows of the castle walls. (Daniel, put that spider down right now! I will take you all back to the bus!)

Here, the wretched Titration king was forced to sign a treaty granting all Cyceans power over all the kingdom, after which he was decapitated and pulled to pieces by horses. (Bridget, if you do not stop scaring Jimmy, I am going to call your parents.)

The citizens of the kingdom could only cower as the Cyceans lit off a massive display of missiles and fireworks over the burning fortress, to celebrate their victory.

But little did the hillsmen know that one artifact had escaped the destruction, ferried away by loyal servants and couriers to a place deep inside the Black Forest, an item that would one day spell their destruction, much as it had been the downfall of the Titratians.

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