Halloween Part 1

Went to a Halloween party last Saturday.
Well, first, I went with my friends to a Capitol Steps concert.
As I was running through the red carpet veranda of the Allen Theater to get to the bathroom before the show started, in my Halloweeny garb of course, an usher stopped me and he said,"hey, what is this show anyway?"
I replied, "well it's musical political satire."
And he nodded his head sagely.
"It explains the audience, doesn't it?" I asked.
"Yes" he replied.

So let's explain this audience. There were a few requisite gay couples, like my friends. Doug was the one who took us, cause Doug is the sort of person to text you after the Obama infomercial with how awesome he thought it was. And I'm the type to text him back excitedly, so it works.
Then there were a lot of old people. I love my parents, but I think they can admit that they fall squarely in old people camp now. And there were a lot of guys that my dad probably thought were too dorky for words, and a lot of wives who laughed INSANELY LOUD like my mother does when she watches sex comedies. There were maybe three people under thirty in the whole crowd and Buddy and I were two of them.
The Capitol Steps are old people political humor. They're kinda funny, but not if you're the type who obsessively reads every left wing blog you can get your hands on, every morning while you drink your cranberry juice (did I mention my recent addiction to cranberry juice?) The sad fact is that they are just not current enough or extreme enough to be that funny to me. I think my favorite song was Putin singing "Midnight Raid to Georgia". Other than that, it's like "really, you just made a joke about Cheney shooting a guy? And yes, we know Palin shoots moose too." But it was entertaining enough to make you glad enough your friend bought you a ticket.

So then we went back to get my car, and we drove seperately to this party. The girl who invited me told me it was on West Blvd, but it wasn't her house, so she didn't know exactly where. And it turned out to be on the one spot of West Blvd where none of us wanted to park our cars. We drove past it three times thinking it couldn't be there. Finally Girl and I coordinated enough on the celly to find it. I didn't know anyone there except Girl&Husband. So the Boys and I walked bravely in, straight into Devo Man in the kitchen who I totally didn't recognize but then ended up talking to for most of the night. We wandered self-consciously downstairs, and I inadvertantly made my entrance on the raised basement dance floor with pole. Yes this guy had a pole and a bar and DJs and kegs in the basement, and the floor was filled with every possible rendition of school girl, girl scout, cheerleader, naughty witch you could think of. Found Girl, who was talking to Girlscout, who I instantly fell in love with. Girl introduced me to Butcher, owner of said den of inequity and also some blue Tequila I proceeded to drink without heed for the rest of the night.

On the attic floor, Butcher had made a haunted house. Kitchen filled with body parts, dead bodies on the floor, dayglo and bloody handprints on the walls, strobe light. That room stank of weed the whole night. Next door to Kitchen was Dead Body Bag Room, which was AWESOME. Just a dark room, smoke machine, incredibly realistic filled body bags hanging from butcher racks. As several people pointed out to me that night, they wanted to have sex in that room. I wanted to have sex in that room.

Highlights of the night include Girlscout making out with my boobs, me spilling a full glass of punch all over Buddy, me trading my Obama pin to a Republican referee for an entire new glass of tequila, me spilling more of that on my shirt than in my mouth. Me falling over the woodpile in the backyard. Me demanding Obama pin back from referee when I found out he was a Republican. And lots of girls on the stripper pole. Then Buddy and Doug left, so Devo and I talked the rest of the night, mostly to keep ourselves occupied until I was sober (enough) to drive home. And like most of my nights these days, the talk was about guns and anime.

Halloween Part Two tomorrow at Lo and Jessica's house. I've been literally promised to star in fights with at least two republicans. So if you wanna go, gimme a call.