What the Hell was Wrong With That Girl?

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How about love? Measure in love.
Seasons of love.

So...a lot of people like Rent. Last night, flipping between the Daily Show and Law Order (which has a lifelong contract with some demon so that they never go out of syndication), I happened upon the movie version of Rent, starring Rosario Dawson and Taye Diggs. Whose real name is Scott Diggs by the way. It shows you how out of touch the world of musical theater is from, say, everything else in the universe, that Taye actually has a very long very successful Broadway career I knew nothing about. I just thought he was the man candy from Stella Got Her Groove Back, turns out he's the man candy from Wicked too.

Anyway

I turned it on because I was all like "hey, I know nothing about it and have never heard it, maybe people like it for a reason.". That got me through about the first song and a half, then I couldn't stand it anymore. I know, how does a girl like me, who did community theater and hung out with all the angsty theater chicks in high school not know anything about Rent? Well, when I was fifteen I pretty much decided I hated it, and refused to listen to it all, based solely on the horrible logo and the fact that everyone who loved it was also the sort of person who liked Phantom of the Opera, another musical I do not know and hate unconditionally. That one I have heard songs to, of course. I hate them.

Turns out all my suspicions about Rent were confirmed and validated and strengthened. It's fucking terrible. Even the wikipedia synopsis of the musical (rock opera my ass) is terrible.
This person has AIDS, and also this person, and this person, and look we have no money and we waste our time trying to write bad songs but we still find time to save homeless old ladies because we're so damn angelic and artsy and lets do some heroin and mooch off some drag queens and if you come to visit us you will get beaten to death in the street. But it's worth it, because we are the spirit of America. Fuck you. You are exactly the sort of people who think they are the spirit of America, and really you are just a bunch of not very nice worthless fucks.

I don't hate musicals. In fact I love some musicals. I love Man of La Mancha for instance, and Jesus Christ Superstar, and Hair. Those are all about some pretentious worthless fucks too, except for Man of La Mancha, which I think is a classic. I like Guys and Dolls, and Into The Woods, and the Sound of Music, Bye Bye Birdie, and Evita, and the Music Man. I fucking love Gilbert and Sullivan, but I guess thats "light opera", though I don't see the difference.

So see, I come from a very dorky musical loving background. But Rent is one of the lamest, most unmoving, unsympathetic things ever written. It's like watching a movie your friend is debuting at a library that rips off the plastic bag in American Beauty for ten minutes, and spends the other 60 doing fuzzy closeups of the lead actress saying things meant to convey how troubled and deep she is, but we all know she's just the girl the director has had a crush on since grade school who would never sleep with him because he's a geeky little worm.

There was a girl who used to hang outside the Phoenix Coffeeshop on Archwood, Shannon. She would sit on the bed of her truck, blasting Rent from the speakers, with the collectors anniversary silver book whatever edition of CDs and lyrics book, and SING along with it. Like every night for a whole summer. She was SO LAME, and this coming from me, a girl who spent many days herself sitting on my friends car singing Indigo Girls songs.

I don't really have a point to this, except that I don't understand this fascination with bad bohemia. Real bohemia is dirty, unattractive, broke, and usually not that interesting because they are so dumb they call themselves bohemian. I guess the point of this is I hate fake bohemians. I know where the "movement" comes from, and I'll tell you, voluntary poverty is dumb unless you are making a lot of money but giving it away. To poor people, not corner stores.

But I love Belgians. When I was little, I would get Bohemia and Belgium mixed up all the time. I thought Hercule Poirot was a Bohemian. I thought I would love to live in Bohemia (it's Czech/Chic). I love the idea of a country named Moravia, and the fact that they have the Ore Mountains. They gave us the Luxembourgs, and the Habsburgs, two absolutely outstanding genetic pools. There's probably beets there too. I like beets.

Also, since Wiki is being good to me tonight, let me also point out that the word DIET actually means a legislative assembly, and that Japan still has a Diet of Japan, and that's awesome. How did that word evolution happen, pray tell.

I'm gonna go forget I ever saw that awful movie, and watch some Law and Order, which I'm sure is on.