Bridget Callahan is Your Best Friend

This may very well mean nothing to any of you, but seeing Nikki get kicked off Top Chef was the CROWNING MOMENT OF MY EVERYTHING.

Goodbye Crack Whore Face. We have actively hated you since the beginning. The only person who has ever garnered more hate from us was that weird black girl who got kicked off in the first episode. You are not the only person in the world who can cook Italian food. In fact, here's a tip. Italian food is like one of the easiest foods in the world to cook. Second only to Mexican. Also, you don't have to tell everyone you meet the story of how you roasted a chicken by yourself when you were twelve because no one was around. If no one was around, then how did your grandmother teach you to make lasagna? Did she communicate it from the grave, or maybe from the corner where she was working? Did she telegraph it in Morse code from the old country? Did the two of you use recipes as a code language to leak the diplomatic secrets of the men in black suits you would whore yourself out to, using your dehydrated starved frail body fed only by roast chicken to save up enough money to buy one single small truffle you kept in a shoebox under your bed?

When they said your name, the room I was in exploded in glee. We all raised our fists/beers in the air and shouted with happiness. I felt the burden of disappointment lift from my chest, my expectations were once again raised. I look now forward to the future, to a season without your nasally voice and lazy eyes, your crabbed cheek and uninspired cuisine. To a fresh start!