Monday, April 18, 2011

Thinking about Murder

So while I lay here in the throes of unlovable contagious plague, watching Antiques Roadshow from Billings Montana, which is great because nobody in Billings ever throws anything out, here is a train of thought I had:

1) I eat meat.
2) But I can't fish or hunt. It's too hard for me.
3) Also I keep my cats alive even though they do nothing for me except shed and puke.
4) I support the right of women to have an abortion. I think it's important.
5) I wouldn't have an abortion myself though, probably, cause I do think of it as a form of murder. But the kind of murder that doesn't bother me.
6) For example, I eat murdered things all the time.
7) Except squid. I can't eat squid. Because they are intelligent.
8) Pigs are intelligent too, but I eat them.
9) I guess this means I value squid over fetuses.
10) I wouldn't eat a fetus though. I would probably eat a squid if it was that or starve.
11) Murder is just this thing that happens a lot, you know?
12) Fish are basically just mobile plants, right? I wish I liked eating them more.

My friend Camilla is bowling in the National Abortion Access Bowl-a-thon, and you can go pledge money for that here.

My friend Sarah is raising money for the Cleveland Animal Protective League, and will be matching donations up to a 100 dollars. Her donation page is here.

13) My friends are all probably much more moral than I am. I'm kind of a bad person.


  1. this entire post made my laugh, i love the conversation you just had with yourself to an extent.

  2. Man, some of them, they are doozies.

  3. I am that kind of a bad person too, only more so.
    And I can't eat lamb.

  4. I can't eat lamb either. But that's cause I don't like the way it tastes. Someone needs to write a book about the evolution of morals due to tastebuds.

  5. Morals are the bane of civilization. They are an easy out to the question of ethics. "Hey, if we indoctrinate people with lies at a young age...then...maybe they'll NATURALLY behave in a positive way?" Ugh, morals. Take your innate sense of right & wrong & shove it. Ethics is the solution; apply reason to your dilemma!

  6. I made a friend with a fish yesterday. He was cool. Had great eyes. Not sure what I'll do next time fish is suggested for dinner.

  7. Oh I don't know. See, fish are like, dumb dumb. But they have no eyelids. Which makes them seem affectionate.
    Tough spot.


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