Wednesday TV Roundup: "Much like the internet has made tv a dinosaur, so my DVR renders time irrelevant."

Let me tell you how having a DVR has changed my life.

1. TNT shows two episodes of Angel every morning at 6 and 7am. I get to have two episodes waiting for me every day! Hopefully someday soon I will get sick of this show!

2. I can do other things on Wednesdays! I haven’t yet, but I can!

3. I’m recording the whole National Parks Ken Burns thing, so I can watch it all one weekend. I can watch ditzy shows and meaningful shows without having to choose between the two!

4. I’m pretty sure the box is sending messages to my brain allowing me to eventually be able to watch TV broadcasts in my head! It’s a slow process, but it’s worth it!

I watch so much TV, it’s nice to have the option to make it good TV, instead of just whatever is on. No more stupid cake shows or reruns of Criminal Minds. I suspect it will cut down my TV habit eventually, but this week is cold and rainy, and I’m broke, so cable is my significant other.

However, you know what DVR doesn’t do for me? Generate new Top Chef episodes. WTF Bravo?

So no Top Chef, it’s sad. And ANTM was disappointing because Ashley stayed, and she is an evil drama theatre reject with serious social ineptitude and an entitlement complex. See, I don’t like reality shows because of the contestant drama and general cad-like behaviors. I only like looking at pretty pictures and pretty foods, hearing the soothing controlled craziness of Tyra or the pointed subtle criticism of a cheese choice by Tom. The more stupid cat-fighting moronic shit you throw at me, the less likely I am to watch or care. Ashley spent the first 20 minutes of that episode complaining about how much in pain she was from being pushed aside by Mena Suvari in the Walmart race (by the way, I just read some thing where a weird section of America voted Walmart our national symbol. Nice. Way to stay classy.) She reminded me of a wolf playing injured to suck the sheep into her vacuum darkness. The worst part is that Tyra will keep her because Tyra found her, and she’s her special pet, much like Football Head last season. So this stupid childish pretend adult might actually win. Also, Ashley was found in the audience of Tyra's daytime talk show. WHICH SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING ABOUT HER.

Tyra put on her Dharma suit, and played at saving the world through photography. Nicole had the best picture I think, but Britany won, and Britany’s was pretty good too, so whatever. Bianca was sent home to learn how to be a confident, self-assured woman who’s not scared of her own shadow or boyfriends or other meaner girls. Which is probably best for her, though a modeling contract might not have hurt that? That silly Asian girl with the dead eyelid found her true calling; turns out people like to hear her scream. And then Glee came on, and Kristin Chenoweth wiped clean my memories of sordid dark eyed Ashley.

Not the most riveting Wednesday night, but that’s why I have Community and Always Sunny episodes saved.

Lastly: I hate Seinfeld. I always have. But I love Always Sunny, which is basically Seinfeld. Why do I like one lots and hate the other? Probably because I hang out with the wrong sort of people. Oh, and also because it’s way funnier. Burn.