Sunday, February 20, 2011

Ad From My Facebook Page and Why It Reflects the Vast and Unspeakable Confusion That is the Universe

“Like” us and next time you catch a guy checking you out at the bar he’ll be begging to buy you another HPNOTIQ cocktail!
Like · 41,802 people like this.

1) Live Louder does not make any sense. All of evolution should teach us to be quieter, so we don't get eaten by bears or raped by nomadic hunters. Even in the context of this ad, which one presumes takes place in a modern day W.6th with much less bears and rape, it still doesn't make sense to be louder because that's how you get arrested and/or noticed by the guy who sees how drunk you are and steals your purse.

2) The name is misspelled. In a way that makes me think it is a computer product.

3) From wikipedia - "Hpnotiq was created by Raphael Yakoby in 2001, a college dropout living with his parents in Long Island, New York, who, after seeing a blue perfume at Bloomingdale's, decided to create a blue liqueur"

4) I think it goes without saying that "liking" something on facebook isn't going to ensure the kind of drink a guy buys you at the bar, unless of course that guy has been stalking you for months, and has written down every single thing you've "liked" ever. Hint: If he starts talking about how great Darkwing Duck was, and how he really likes "not letting bitches keep you down", run.

5) There are 41,802 people in this world who I know I definitely never want to meet ever under any circumstances, unless I'm looking to buy an 8ball or an underage New Jersey hooker.

6) Technically, a bottle of fruit juice, vodka, and cognac already is a cocktail. If you make another cocktail out of the first cocktail, then you have a punch. True.


  1. This is why I drink Pabst Blue Ribbon out of a can. I understand it. I do not understand blue drinks. Blue drinks are supposed to be sugary, nonalcoholic and awful. Little kids sell them for 25 cents a cup at their Kool Aid stands in summer.

    I swear I should be in charge.

  2. Hpnotiq! I've had it; it has some sibling beverage, too. It was being promoted at some bar I was at, & thus free, & we could still hardly stomach it.

  3. Girls in bars have always been a little intimidating for me anyway. They are less inhibited, and so more likely to tell me exactly what they think...almost never a good thing. Loud girls drinking blue elixirs? The prospect is just terrifying.

  4. Is it wrong that this must makes me miss drinking even more? Sigh.

  5. The problem with Hypnotic- or however you spell it is that is has too much fruit juice and not enough alcohol.

    That's it.

    I do like the pretty blue color, though.

  6. Just like Facebook itself, this crap is something for guys who drop out of school and live at home working crap jobs to use to meet women... esp. the EOB's and BCIYBF's of the world...

  7. You are all right.
    Except Mark. Because Facebook is awesome. And I don't really know what those abbreviations mean.

  8. Well, actually, being loud will be favored by evolution as long as the loudness increases the number of babies you have more than it decreases them because the bear caught you. (and yes, rapability is not looked down upon by our genes!)

  9. but regardless of that, I too would never, ever, in a million years drink this nasty-sounding concoction. Zanax makes your pee blue: what if this is a key ingredient (or is that some other common drug? one of them does).

  10. Good point about rape. You're right, I wasn't thinking that one through.

    I can say that xanax has never turned my pee blue though.

  11. there's one of those psychotropic drugs that does. Makes it hard for them to do clinical trials without the subjects knowing which pill has the real stuff. (i miss that trial. it paid for my first real camera... wonder if loss of memory is one of the side effects...)

  12. If you like that page they start sending you ads for satin shirts next.

  13. Also true: It has been proven that humans are not attracted to blue foods. It seems reasonable that humans would feel the same way about blue drinks. Not sure why that study needed to be done but I'm sure there was a MF huge grant involved that could have been better spent elsewhere.

    Plus it doesn't even have absinthe in it so why bother.


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