I am spoiling this plot because it is spoiled and rotting already

I did make it out yesterday to see the Golden Compass...it was a horrible mistake.

Now, the two people I went to go see it with did not share my viewpoint. And so far, lots of reviewers thought it redeemed itself in certain areas...they are wrong. It was IRREDEEMABLE.

Let me preface this vitriolic rant by saying that I am, in fact, VERY TOLERANT of movie versions of books. I understand that you have to cut some stuff out, and lots of character development will be lost. Fitting a book into a visual extravaganza under two hours can be hard. HOWEVER

Why would you bother to even make the fucking movie if you are going to rewrite EVERYTHING so that it doesn't resemble the original story except in the most skeletal form?

1st mistake, (and where I probably should have walked out of the theater because I really felt like it): The opening intro of the movie, where they swirl around the gold "dust" (an absolutely awful and unnecessary special effect) and tell you that there are lots of other worlds, dust binds them all?, and people in this world have daemons which are really their souls. Ta da! In one foul swoop they completely took any charm or mystery out of the book. Would it have been so hard to demonstrate that daemons felt the same thing as their people, or to SHOW us that adult daemons didn't change form? Nope, we'll just tell you, because you're so stupid you might not GET it otherwise.

2nd flaw: I knew from the moment they had Fra Pavel (in the books he's some insignificant character we don't even hear much from till the third book) as the main evil Magisterium guy, and HE tries to poison Lord Asriel? I knew I was going to hate this movie. There was no reason for this. There was no reason to not show that the Master of Jordan College was trying to keep Lyra safe from him. In fact, Lord Asriel is shown as a sympathetic character the whole time, which is bullshit. I can understand not having a severed head of Gruman for time constraints. I do not understand why they have to screw with EVERYTHING, right down the Master having a DOG daemon, like a servant. They couldn't have thrown a bone to those of us who read the book? Just like they had to have the witches flying by themselves, they couldn't be flying on cloudpine broomsticks for some unknown reason?

In fact, let me condense my ranting and just list off for you EVERYTHING THEY REWROTE FOR NO APPARENT PURPOSE: And please keep in mind these are just the things I thought were egregious enough to mention...

1. The poisoning.
2. Roger's disappearance
3. How Lyra finds out about the General Oblation Board
4. How she runs away from Ms. Coulter
5. Who tries to kidnap her and who rescues her
6. The meeting with the Gyptian counsel
7. How she finds out about the Witches, and Iorek Byrnison.
8. The whole thing with the BEARS OF Svalbard and the Bear King's daemon
9. The trip to Bolvangar
10. The kid she finds without his daemon, WHO DOESN'T DIE
11. How she gets into Bolvangar
12. How she gets out of Bolvangar
13. How they fight their way away from Bolvangar
14. What happens after Bolvangar (refer to #8)
15. ROGER'S NOT DEAD and also Lyra is spouting some nonsense about GETTING THE KIDS DAEMONS BACK TO THEM BECAUSE THE KID DIDN'T DIE OR BECOME A ZOMBIE.
16. Ms. Coulter's maternal instincts

IN CONCLUSION: If I saw this movie and I had not read the book, it would still be a terrible movie with no character development and no suspense whatsoever. Plus it would be cheesy. Having read the book, it is a beyond terrible movie that preserves none of the quality of the book, and instead makes it into a really shitty fantasy tale with no viable point.

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com