There are only three reasons to push me up against a wall, but the way I've been feeling this week, I deserve all three. Times of hormonal foxtrotting are always worse when you're feeling stressed. And I am stressed about not having a job yet. Which is good, I should be, I need to be. But I mean, I said some weird shit this week. I was definitely being girly. That's such an odd word, any word that could mean both bitchy, cutesy, and terrified is a thing I have trouble dealing with.
I've started saying little prayers to myself, like "the beach will be there in the Spring, so this comes first." And, "no, sitting here for 6 hours writing is what you WANTED to do, remember?" And at open mic on Thursday, I got drunk even though I had really meant not to, certain conversations transpired. I failed miserably at not getting drunk. But no more. We are entering the austerity portion of this mid life crisis. The excitement is faded and the work has begun. It's like Wilmington and I just decided to go steady.
I've been writing as many ideas down as I can. I have a lot of things I need them for now, so I carry around a little notebook and a nice-ish pen, and I wrote down joke ideas and essay ideas, ideas about meter and ideas about submissions, places to apply. I don't think I'm very good yet at rewrites, so I try to go back over things three times. I crave certain places or foods or sensations, and I drink more coffee and tell myself no. I feel like my roommates must think I'm complete bum, but the assumed shame of sitting around all day on the computer causes me to keep typing any time they are downstairs or around me, because it makes me sound productive.
The strangest part sometimes about being a girl is feeling your sense of self-identity slosh around inside you based on the rotations of a planet and a satellite rock.
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ReplyDeleteLooking great. I really enjoyed what you had to say. Keep going because you definitely bring a new voice to this subject. I just visited Stee letas and order my winter high fashion leggings.
ReplyDeleteThesis writing involves several processes which makes the entirety of the experience both exciting and challenging. From choosing a researchable topic that has not been done by other students and eventually narrowing it down to become a uniquely original work to soliciting the help of a research supervisor and in embarking on data collection and writing the paper, these are some of the tasks that almost all undergraduate and graduate students working on a thesis consider as stressful. In spite of the many challenges that students have to put up with, undeniably, the thesis project is an important project-based and challenge-based educational experience that helps in building character and in preparing students for their chosen career. One particular skill that is indispensable and which perhaps is unknowingly cultivated among students as they work on a thesis is the ability to work with a group of superiors.
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