Things My Vagina Can Do
-sleepeat
-hide my keys out of spite
-secrete a raccoon repellent
-recite Sunday Morning in a perfect lilted Connecticut accent
-predict global grain markets by the direction of the wind
-reject any incoming lovers that it senses don't like the show Louie
-nurse small kittens back to health
-grow to 200 times it's original size and chase cars
-convert all dimes to Canadian
-guard me from mean people
-sing both parts to Islands in the Stream at the same time
-judge books by their covers
-chew through plastic sales tags
-drink more than three Manhattans without getting gaudy
-shed it's teeth every three months to avoid dentist appointments
-change it's scent based on it's opinion of your ipod list
Things My Vagina Can Not Do
-decide which sperm it's gonna let knock it up
stupid vagina.
Thank you, Bridget. You are now my best friend. I'll be sending my regrets to Mr. Akin after I finish posting this comment.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha...Vagina.
ReplyDeleteIt's fun to think of the cultural or ideological differences we'd see in the world if the reverse was true.
ReplyDeleteScience fiction, right there.