Wednesday, September 1, 2010

These are Important Things. You Need to Choose Wisely. Updated.

B: You have all gotten away from the important point here. Which is unicorns.

M.: Do you know about Team Unicorn & Team Zombie? I'm on the former.

B: I don't know about that, but I know zombies are no match for unicorns, like, at all.

L: Zombies en masse can probably take down anything up to and including a brontosaur (Apatosaur for the perfectionists out there). That being said ol'uni can just teleport out of there.

K: The unicorn could also just cure them all with a touch of its horn! It's the unicorn.

L: Well. Actually they would be destroyed as They are undead. But again: see my point about zombies en masse. Unicorns can only touch so many targets so fast.

B: Unicorns are half laser.

K: Zombies are far, far overrated. Think of how fast a Unicorn is? I don't think a zombie apocalypse could really offer up much of a fight against even a horse, let alone the Unicorn.


NC: The problem is, as Stephen King points out, that zombies really represent the anxieties over cannibalism we previously associated with vampires, before vampires before a metaphor for STDs and rape. If zombies go after a unicorn, they loose all meta-textual significance. And without that, the plot no longer demands they win! They're just a bunch of smelly yahoos

KT: Zombies are also the metaphor for the existential other, the urban condition of being confronted by the nameless faceless callously hostile people of the world. What if they were all really against you, or anyway, more actively against you? The Unicorn is the symbol of the forest as sublime, of solitude as peaceful - it's the opposite of the urban horror of the zombie.

B: Well then I think it makes perfect sense that the two would be mortal enemies.

NC: The unicorn is also the other -- the unobtainable other. We chase the unicorn and ran from the zombie. So really, they'd conspire together to drive us mad.

B: This is a representation of urban sprawl attacking the rural community. The unicorn, with it's health and beauty, is besieged by the anonymous thousands who spread disease and sin. Sure, we chase the unicorn, like mom chases her farm, but eventually the unicorn is cornered and needs to fight back. How does the rural culture defend itself against the multitudes who don't stop coming?

I think I just said that the unicorns are Amish.

NC: So, really, at the end of his quest, Sir Gawain must stand between the unicorn and the zombies and contemplate which he resembles.


  1. What about a zombie unicorn?

    Yeah, I just blew your mind.

  2. I think L.'s point is valid here. The zombie virus would have to self destruct when it came in contact with the healing cartilage of doom.

  3. If a unicorn touched a zombie with its horn, they would both explode. Just cancel each other out, but with lots of flash and noise and bits flying about in the air.

  4. When are you going to start producing Bridget Callahan in my Best Friend t-shirts with "Unicorns are half laser" written on the back?

  5. Eventually a unicorn would get turned zombie (because he was thinking about masturbation or other impurities and so his guard would be down) and then he's turn into a zombie. Then we're all fucked.

    I'm voting zombie.

  6. I'm totally on Team Unicorn but the thing is that Zombies have numbers on their size. You ever hear of people fearing the Unicorn Apocalypse? I don't think so.

    But that would be pretty awesome.

  7. So Jenny and Ex, what you're saying is that you are on Team Unicorn Zombie.

    I personally disagree. Unicorns don't think about masturbation, because they ARE masturbation.

  8. I am 100% Team Unicorn Zombie. And I really hope that settles it for all the kids who keep asking me, "Edward or Jacob?"

    UniZom, bitches!


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