Weird things I can do that technically count as writing

Case in point, this feed title....

"News: The Monitor ep 8: The Space Episode
http://rss.sciam.com/~r/ScientificAmerican-News/~3/257881246/article.cfm

This Week's Episode: An extrasolar planet contains methane (which, being organic, could suggest life), Canada's space robot is aweseome, RIP Arthur C. Clarke, and matter vs. antimatter - why did matter win?"

It works on so many levels. First you're like "extrasolar, is that a word? Cause the spellcheck says it isn't.". Then awesome is misspelled, plus robots are ALWAYS awesome. And everyone who matters has known Clarke is dead for like, decades. BUT THEN, the last line...WHY DID MATTER WIN?

The real question is, did it? Maybe matter is in HELL.

Not so brilliant? One, the fact that girls clothes come in completely arbitrary sizes that differ wildly from one company to another, a fact that really puts a damper on online shopping. Someone as fat as me should not have to return items because they are TOO BIG for her. Two, the horrible movie we just watched called "Milwaukee, Minnesota". Started out with a great premise, mentally retarded ice fisherman who hears fish talking. Quickly went down hill from there with the addition of Randy Quaid and some really awful blonde girl. The guy who played the fisherman was decent, but he looked like an elongated Jason Schwartzman or a fat Mordicai.

Turns out he's a Fonda? Fondant? Fondue. Fondant Fondue. Foo foo fondant fondling fondue.

I wonder what the recruiters at Dancing With The Stars were thinking when they convinced Kristy Yamaguchi to sign on. She's a fucking ICE SKATING QUEEN. Did they think it would be hard? She's already a fucking athlete superstar. She's used to practicing 22 hours a day. There was one moment in the beginning when she was all like "I'm not used to being in heels, we're always flatfooted on the ice." Ha Ha, don't fall for her dirty Asian deceit. She has already won, and everyone knows it, and she knows it, and I might as well not watch the show anymore. It's like watching the Honors Student Snobby Girl in high school do announcements for all the clubs she's head of. You have no reason to hate her, but you still do. Plus Monica Selas is so sad :(

If I could afford it, I would take a pregnancy test every day, because finding out you're not pregnant, even when you're not worried about it, is the ULTIMATE mood lifter. But the fucking things are fifteen bucks a pop. Once I saw some at the Dollar Store, I should have stocked up on those, except using dollar pregnancy tests probably GETS you pregnant.