Conclusions

When I said I was in love with you, I meant that I would love you even if the fourth reich descended upon us and we were forced to live in shelled out cities, eating radioactive rats and digging through the rubble to find scraps of the former civilization so we could learn from them and not make the same mistakes.

I meant that I would love you even if we were traveling down the Congo on a raft and you sold me to some natives for food, and then sat there masturbating while they boiled me in a huge kettle. (Though I always thought cannibals preferred ovens.)

I meant that if you became the richest man in the world, I would gladly live with you and your trophy wife, wearing her cast away Armani and having clandestine meetings with you in the servants quarters where we'd fuck on a straw cot and you'd leave me a few pounds before rushing off to your meeting with the guv'nor.

I meant that stranded on an ice floe? If you killed a seal I would skin it and not say a single word about how gross it was. I would write you a love letter in seal blood in the snow.

If we were hiking and got stuck somewhere in the woods over night, I would piss in a circle around us so the wolves wouldn't attack us, and you could use Anna Karenina to build a fire.

If we lived in a log cabin where you chopped wood and I made pie and we had only one candle I would write in the daytime so you could use it at night to pick splinters out of your hands.

If we worked at an animal testing facility and the monkeys got loose and started attacking us, I would lead them down a hallway so you could sneak out.

If we met a couple at a bar who asked us to swing with them, and the girl was really hot but the guy was only so-so? I would fuck him just so you could stick your dick in the really hot girls mouth. I'd do it even if you didn't let me watch.

And if we never actually quit smoking, and you need a lung, I'll gladly give you....well I'll go kill some emo kid for you so you can have his.