Saturday, December 10, 2011

Alright, let's get back into the swing of things here by being really sick

So after this, my 1800th time getting strep throat and my second time having that strep make a run for the border of scarlet fever paradise, I'm tired of having this conversation with the doctor:

Me: I have strep throat, I need antibiotics
Doctor: Well...have you been exposed to anyone with strep?
Me: No
Doctor: So it's pretty unlikely you have it. Let me now lecture you for ten minutes on how colds and nasal drip can affect your throat, and ask you a bunch of dumb questions like is it worse in the morning...have you had a cold lately...are you blowing your nose a lot?
Me: No.
Doctor: alright, let's go see if that test is done... *leaves the room practically shaking her head*
Comes back with a worried look on her face and another doctor with her.
2nd Doctor: "okay, so you have scarlet fever. I'm going to give you an antibiotic and it's really important you take it right away and if this get's worse even a little you need to go to the emergency room."
Me: "Can I please just have a renewable lifetime prescription?"

It's time to get my tonsils taken out, since they are just a nefarious strep farm now. I feel pretty confident I can get a doctor referral on it, and I should get it done now while I still have health insurance. It's a pretty terrifying thought for me though, I've never had anything cut out of me before. Well, I had a cervical biopsy once, but that was nothing, like a pinch, certainly no general anesthesia. Can you wake up while they are cutting out your tonsils? My friend woke up during her c-section, and that's pretty much the most nightmarish thing I can think of, except me waking up while they are sawing my throat in half. Like, how do you breathe when they are doing throat surgery? Wouldn't all the blood and goop clog up your nose too? I wonder if they could remove my wisdom teeth at the same time? Last time I took Eddy to the vet, they did all sorts of extra stuff to her when they had her sedated for her teeth cleaning. Can't it just be a package deal like that? And why does it all have to be mouth centric? I have a really small mouth. It's really difficult and painful to go to the dentist, cause it's basically like being made to swallow my fist for an hour. Two surgeries both having to do with the back of my mouth? I don't know how they are even going to begin to start without cutting out my tongue first.

The rest of the week before this was great. There was a cookie exchange party, and then Brandy night, and Sunday started with brunch in Ohio City, included a very long time hanging out at Mango's with pitchers of mojitos, and ended at 2am in Akron watching a band at Annabelle's. Monday Carrie and I drove to Pittsburgh to see Yacht, which was an amazing show and I danced a lot, a lot a lot, like more so than usual probably cause I was drunk. Then everyone else passed out and I ended up around the corner at the bar manager's ghetto apartment watching Freddy Got Fingered with his judo dummy till 3am. So of course my mom, and probably you too, is reading this going "well yeah, this is how you got sick", but you know what, if that was true, I would be sick all the time.....oh wait.....
Fuck these tonsils, their days are numbered.


  1. I love how they always ask "have you been exposed to anyone with strep?" as if anyone that has strep is also afflicted with a condition whereby the word STREP manifests on their forehead. I'm always like I DON'T KNOW THAT'S THE ONE THING I FORGOT TO ASK EVERY SINGLE PERSON I SAW YESTERDAY.

  2. I make everyone show me their "Strep Free" card before making out with them.


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