Catch up

Wondering what I've been doing lately? Here's some highlights from posts I've written and found so dumb I could cry, so they don't go up....

1/16 I know I've been angry these days. I'm an angry girl. You'd be an angry girl too if...

1/17 Monsters are everywhere. They are, like roaches, incredibly reliable and can inhabit any sort of environment, no matter how hostile.

Recently, The Occasional Superheroine ( see sidebar) posted a link to some fan art depicting the Cloverfield monster. Because I am a terrible person, I want to just post the picture here without a link. But in execution, I'm not such a bad person, and also someone is cooking me a vegan breakfast today so how can I be mean when someone is so sweet, so here's a link:
Look at those forearms!

Now here's a link to the best picture I can find of the monster from the The Host:
FacialSide View

So why the sudden shift from T Rex Godzilla monsters to heavy jowled, forward balanced, speed machines? Is it only because our knowledge of prehistoric creatures is so much larger than when Godzilla was conceived? I definitely see similarities between the new boys and some old school monsters:

Coelacanth's jaw line

1/26 So I haven't said anything to you in a week or two. It isn't because I haven't had internet (gasp!), its because the days when I'm not out and also not cleaning, I prefer to sit around my new very big very empty apartment and watch Bravo.

1/27 Last night I dreamed about a guy who killed himself, and then his girlfriend killed herself too, and I linked it all back to these potheads who had stolen her body. They lived in a house with spigots that leaked weed smoke all day long, and the only reason we found them is because their wolfhound got out and gave a cat a hernia which killed it, so the cats owner tracked them down with us and beat the fuck out of the passed out ringleader who kinda looked like the guy from Jamiroquia. I don't think that's how you spell their name, but its an approximation.

Also, I went out to dinner the other day and heard Two Step by Dave Matthews, and remembered that there were some songs by him I really liked which makes me really old but oh well. So yesterday I downloaded some, like Warehouse and Tripping Billies. But mostly I was reminded of how much of his catalog sucks and I don't like it at all, this weird indecisive trip through the Kent dorm rooms. It feels like I should be more decisive about things that happened almost ten years ago.

I'm sitting here, every day trying to pick up one more piece of the stale gingerbread house that is my life, and honestly, I try to get by without a lot of support. But I rely a little itsy witsy bit on reality to back me up every once in a while. Which is why I'm blaming my future nervous breakdown and eventual house arrest on the fact that we have a presidential hopeful who DOESN'T BELIEVE IN EVOLUTION.

Addendum: ANOTHER presidential hopeful.

Things I am okay with....

I have this horrible journal linked to my friends page at LiveJournal that I haven't the heart to de-friend because daily it reminds me of why I'm special. It's a place where people put out advertisements for other people to be friends with them. Mostly its people who write fanfic, dislike conformity, and have either too many kids or too many pets. They love to write paragraphs about what people should not do in order to be friends with them. In the spirit of condensing myself into a list (yay lists!), here are the many things that I am okay with, but that other people tell me not to be:

1. Intolerance.
2. Blind conformity.
3. Anger
4. Violence.
5. Pop music.
6. Communism. With a capital C.
7. Money.
8. Close-mindedness.
9. very personal break-up stories.
10. Whores who post pictures of themselves.
11. Iran.
12. Guys paying bills for me.
13. Meat.
14. Assholes.
15. People who are always late.
16. The New York Times.
17. Lying.
18. Cheating.
19. Gambling.
20. Drugs and alcohol.

Here are things I am not okay with:

1. Harry Potter as a source of magical reference in your life or the life of your child.
2. People who are not intimately acquainted with Roald Dahl.
3. Fanfic.
4. College girls who have never had sex.
5. Kids.
6. and of course, religion.
7. Tolerance of any and all ideas.
8. User photos that are just photo-shopped Office characters with some quirky saying.
9. Listing Gilmour Girls as one of your "likes".
10. Referring to your fat rolls as "extra baggage".

In case you can't tell, I'm in a "mood". Who knows, maybe it's my TIME OF THE MONTH. At least I'm not pregnant, suckers!

In the course of my emotional armageddon (emotigaddon?), I have slowly degenerated from Soap Net, to MTV Jams, to obsessive primary coverage, to YouTube. To illustrate this de-evolution on two levels, I present for your listening pleasure....a song that has been ruined....

First, the original.



Second, the prostitution.



Third, the rape.

In response to Carrie's vidoe extravaganza, which wouldn't let me leave a comment

Um, what, did you start like Rilo Kiley as soon as I started...



HATING THEM?
Well at least maybe someday you'll like THESE guys, before they put out a really crappy album...

So I'm moving today.
This is for you.
It would be more romantic if he didn't look like Brent Spiner.



But more appropriately...



Nothing says it like Legos.

To round off my mcflurry of emotions...



and

I keep trying to hide my head in the sand, but interestingly awful things keep happening and I can't keep my mouth shut...

Punk Houses Are Not Cool Places To Live

I already ranted about this on Carrie's journal, so I'll just say this one more time:

Poor Dirty People Are Not Interesting (unless they are dirty because they have no running water, and not because they just don't want to pay a water bill, but because they will get a life ending disease from the sewer waste. Or someone from the regime will shoot them if they leave the house)

Gross. Next there will be a "punk house decor" show on HGTV. Hosted by that damn lady who makes the cupcakes.

Being punk is so stupid. I mean, just stupid as fuck. I like punk music better than the next guy, but jesus, I just want to smack these people down. I want to OPPRESS them.

Also, 50% of the people I have met in "punk houses" (which is like ALL of Detroit Ave) ARE JERKS. SELFISH THIEVING JERKS. The other 50% were basically nice human beings who I suppose hung out with the jerks because they thought they were inspirational or something.

I'm not talking about the rest of my life right now, but I did have to put this down here:

Today, during Project Runway, I saw my first well known brand, blatantly gay commercial, on national television, from Levis.

It is awesome.



PS After watching this a few times, I realized the most awesome part was that they used the same actor. OR they might have just photo-shopped the guy in, which I suppose is more likely. Either way, its great

Things I've learned from watching Soap Network During the Serial Bowl VVVVVV:One Tree Hill

1. There is a still a job market for makeup artists that learned their trade on the pageant circle. Surprisingly, the stars of the shows are much more stylish than the commercial ladies, which is not saying much.

2. I am in love with the guy who sings the freecreditreport.com jingle.

3. It isn't completely a lie. If you're an overweight late twenty something who's preoccupied with breaking up with her boyfriend and therefore is sitting there drunk, depressed, with ideas for homemade chandeliers going through her head....then you turn on the soaps because you can't watch Zoolander one more time, and you've already seen the Project Runway marathon the last two weeks they ran it...then they will really start to fascinate you. Even as background noise.

"I forgive you"
"Take it back."
"I forgive you little brother."
"You take that back you son of a bitch."

4. Christmas episodes can be very startling if you're not expecting them. Normally you would expect lots of overwrought drama from these shows, so the Christmas theme, like the whole Jimmy Stewart thing, it gets sprung on you all of sudden when you realize one of the characters is supposed to be dead, but you didn't know that because the last rerun episode before this showed the character very alive. Then you get to hear "Its a Wonderful Life" in the background of the hospital bed, because they at the network have foreseen this eventuality and they know you're drunk anyway, so they're willing to help you out a little.

5. I wonder what it's like to work at Soap Net, or at One Tree Hill. I wonder if all of them are sarcastic ironic recent grads with marketing degrees, or if they are old, chubby,and unhappily married like their audience. Or both. That is a very real segment of America. In other words, is it art?

6. CHRISTIAN ROCK MUSIC IS EVERYWHERE. I don't understand how or why, but I swear it is. Insidious little beasts.