Sympathy, love, regret were all on his side, until she found the pubic hair in the toilet.

Conclusions

When I said I was in love with you, I meant that I would love you even if the fourth reich descended upon us and we were forced to live in shelled out cities, eating radioactive rats and digging through the rubble to find scraps of the former civilization so we could learn from them and not make the same mistakes.

I meant that I would love you even if we were traveling down the Congo on a raft and you sold me to some natives for food, and then sat there masturbating while they boiled me in a huge kettle. (Though I always thought cannibals preferred ovens.)

I meant that if you became the richest man in the world, I would gladly live with you and your trophy wife, wearing her cast away Armani and having clandestine meetings with you in the servants quarters where we'd fuck on a straw cot and you'd leave me a few pounds before rushing off to your meeting with the guv'nor.

I meant that stranded on an ice floe? If you killed a seal I would skin it and not say a single word about how gross it was. I would write you a love letter in seal blood in the snow.

If we were hiking and got stuck somewhere in the woods over night, I would piss in a circle around us so the wolves wouldn't attack us, and you could use Anna Karenina to build a fire.

If we lived in a log cabin where you chopped wood and I made pie and we had only one candle I would write in the daytime so you could use it at night to pick splinters out of your hands.

If we worked at an animal testing facility and the monkeys got loose and started attacking us, I would lead them down a hallway so you could sneak out.

If we met a couple at a bar who asked us to swing with them, and the girl was really hot but the guy was only so-so? I would fuck him just so you could stick your dick in the really hot girls mouth. I'd do it even if you didn't let me watch.

And if we never actually quit smoking, and you need a lung, I'll gladly give you....well I'll go kill some emo kid for you so you can have his.

NANOWRIMO

Feels like it should be capitalized every time......

So...I told a friend I would do it this year with her. And I will. Because it will give me something to do besides watching 30 Rock and drinking.

Actually, I consider both of those elements to be essential to the creative process. One is inspirational, the other is a veritable fount of thievery. Guess which is which?

On the website, they suggest that you tell everyone about participating in this (this BTW being writing a 175 page novel all during the month of November), so that if you start to feel yourself falter, you will be too embarrassed to quit. Like with losing weight, smoking, or breaking up with your boyfriend.

Cause that has worked SO WELL for me in the past.

What I'd like to know is what kind of support are my friends going to give me now that I'm part of a shtick, that they wouldn't give me for the past 25 years I've been trying to write? No seriously, what's up guys? You all went from being crazy insane dirty psycho druggie glamour hogs to being married and living in Akron with cats. That's not helping me out here. Unless we're all looking forward to some serious self-destruction on Bridget's part, you're gonna have to step it up a notch on the dramatic Parisian bum scale. And I know how much you love me and would hate to see me lose my job :) So hurry up. November is almost here.

The worst part of this whole thing is that the inspirational write-ins for Cleveland? Are being held at the Panera bread right around the corner from my house. Seriously? Really really great 4 cheese souffles. Sean really likes the spinach and bacon ones...I don't know about their coffee though...fuck you, ever appealing and simultaneously revolting Panera bread.

A really quick actual life update: I came home to a case of beer sitting on the floor, with two xbox games on top, and a large amount of poo in the toilet. There is no pistachio frozen custard left, and I'm so bored I just bit off my fingernail and spit it on the floor. If I watch that fish video one more time I'll start to bleed from my nose.

I really hated this song until I saw the video. Damn you singing fish that I simply can't resist....

This is once again Sean's fucking fault. Sean AND Marty.

Found this on John Hodgman's page...Thank you John for filling my brain with delicious addictive sugar water.

One thing I will never be able to fully forgive Sean for is the existence of an unmarked burned Paul McCartney SOLO work CD in my car. It got me tonight when I reached into my pile of unmarked very cool surprise CDs. It got me good and hard. Like a bullet to my sinuses.

I suppose this could be solved if I got a sharpie....or threw the devil thing out.

Sometimes, when you come back from a trip, vacation, or just something really stressful, you have this elated high for days afterwards. You feel like a new person, you feel motivated, you like yourself, you feel like you can accomplish that rare feat of being interesting to talk to...

But what provides an even stranger, more tripped out sensation is the day you realize that the high is over and you are deflating back down to the world you inhabited before said event. Which most of the time was heartbreaking and boring, like the grinding of continents against each other. As you sink into this sensation, everything that causes these feelings becomes stark clear in relief against the silk drapes of your recent memories. You really, really hate your job. The same tv shows are on every night. You can't talk to your boyfriend. You're allergic to your own cat, that you've had for 7 years.

If traveling has the same effect as cocaine, then the regular work day is a solid dose of opium. And the slow ones do in fact kill you faster than the speedy ones.

Moment of Zen /:

Sean figured out while watching the Colbert report tonight that if every state in the union has the same filing fees as South Carolina to register in the GOP presidential primary, it would require 1.25 million dollars to run in all fifty states.

Its become increasingly transparent that they intend on choosing the next democratic canindate based on who raises the most money, since every campaign article is now about who's ahead in the fundraising race.

C'mon guys, I'm the least disaffected of them all, and you're really starting to turn me off.....Fie on you, Fie!

So I would like to ask everyone to donate all their monies to me, so I can be president please. I will be a good president, and Al Gore will be my secretary of state.

Things I sometimes miss about Livejournal when I'm really bored and have already read every Agatha Christie book in the house seven times, but cannot stomach anymore Henry Miller because of the blueberry pancakes I ate for breakfast this morning...

QUIZ

1. I've come to realize that: I really truly absolutely without question do not believe in a "higher power". And my life does not suffer in any way shape or form from a lack of that belief. In fact, my life is absolutely better, more amazing, and more interesting for it. I appreciate the existence of things like whale sharks, underground lakes, and giant amazon ant swarms as random acts of coincidence, which inspires more awe and joy in me than religion, wealth,or sex has ever done.

2. I've come to realize that, I talk :
as if I really don't care if you're listening to me or not, because you should be.

3. I've come to realize that, I love : like a wicked witch.


4. I've come to realize that, I have:
GOT to get an ipod eventually.

5. I've come to realize that, I lost : a lot of favorite articles of clothing, hats and purses over the years that I will never be able to replace because no one makes them anymore....people don't make the same things forever...


6. I've come to realize that, I hate it when :
I spend a whole weekend without seeing something new.

8. I've come to realize that, marriage is :
really really weird....

9. I've come to realize that, somewhere, someone is:
thinking that god will punish them for something. Like, actually punish them.

10. I've come to realize that, I'll always be :
A little bit bored, a little bit lonely.

11. I've come to realize that, I have a crush on :
Lindsay Lohan. And Crispix cereal.

12. I've come to realize that, The last time I cried was :
Okay, these are starting to seem less like realizations and more like lyrics to a Fallout Boy song. The last time I cried was yesterday when Sean finally called me after not picking up his phone all day cause he was sleeping, and I had pictured him trying to fix his flat tire and the truck falling on him and crushing him all day. Cause I'm nutso.

13. I've come to realize that, My cell phone's:
making me infertile. In more than just a physical way.

14. I've come to realize that, When I wake up in the morning:
my bed sucks so fucking badly. Its seriously the worst bed in the whole world. Bad Bed! Bad Bed! I might as well try to sleep on the floor. Also, I realize every morning that I should stop leaving my underwear on the bathroom floor. But I never do. Mornings = shame.

15. I've come to realize that, Before I go to sleep at night I:
need to get drunk in order to pass out on that fucking bed and get any rest at all. Mother fucker!

16. I've come to realize that, Right now I am thinking about:
Oh, now we're doing up to the minute realizations huh? Right now I am thinking about how overused the word "realization" is in our vernacular.

17. I've come to realize that, Babies are:
very susceptible to death.

18. I've come to realize that, I get on myspace:
To support the suppression of the Chinese people.

19. I've come to realize that, Today I:
want to get every article of trash, including my cat, out of the house.

20. I've come to realize that, Tonight I will: have to do laundry because I really think I've ferreted out any last hiding pieces of underwear there were left to find...


21. I've come to realize that, Tomorrow I will:
Go to work. Again. and Again. and Again.

22. I've come to realize that, I really want to:
spend my life flying around the world with no visible purpose.