Sandwiches! Honey!

So I woke up today with a horrible migraine. I don't normally get migraines (thank you whichever synapse controls that), but every once in a while they hit me and knock me over like a bag of potatoes. The pain in my head I can deal with, and the dizziness, but what really kills me are the smells. Absolutely everything smells terrible to me when I get this way, and then I start the serial vomiting. Two years ago I was in the throes of one of these, but also in training for work, and the girl next to me was chewing grape bubblegum? I ended up running out of the room like five times, before finally just leaving. I had to keep plastic bags in the car with me for the ride home. On the plus side, I am now incredibly adept at driving while throwing up, which seems like something that should come in handy at some point in my life.

I know, why am I discussing stomach nastiness in a post titled Sandwiches? Well, I didn't go anywhere today, and I couldn't eat anything till about an hour ago. When the pain finally went away, I was starving. I hadn't gone to the store recently, so there weren't a lot of options. But I had bread. Anytime you have bread, you are good.

What follows are some very ugly pictures of some very yummy things. On paper plates, yes. DO NOT JUDGE ME.

Peanut butter is something I always forget that I love until I run out of money, and then I'm really fucking thankful I have it in the fridge. Peanut butter is great on bread, crackers, celery, carrots, apples, pets' noses, even melted on ice cream. But my favorite thing is peanut butter and honey on white bread. Crunchy only please. What exactly is the point of that other kind?

THIS IS IMPORTANT: You have to toast the bread with the peanut butter on it already, so it gets all gooey, and then when the honey hits the toast and whole nuts it does this thing in your mouth where it tastes like brittle. Pair this with hot chocolate, and you're all set for watching reruns of the Fresh Prince of Belair and being sort of embarrassed that you know all the words to the theme song. I also had some pecans, so I crumbled those inside. It was so fucking good. All I was missing was celery on the side. I love celery. It's like crunchy water.

However, one peanut butter sandwich was not quite enough, so I scoured around my fridge for something else. As usual, I had about three open jars of pickles, 2 jars of olives (Marty, I've turned into you), lots of bread, jam, marmalade, and some deli turkey which had been in there for about a week. I love turkey sandwiches, but I can't buy it in more than 1/4 pd increments, cause I hate the slimy feeling it gets after two days in the fridge. I know its still good. But that's not the point, right? I end up buying way more salami than I want to because turkey betrays me.

So today I figured out how to get rid of that sliminess...fry it. Fry it in butter, with cumin, salt, pepper, paprika, ginger, ground mustard, garlic. Then pile it on some rye bread, with yellow mustard on one side and a good dollop of honey on the other side. Not only is it fantastic? Your house smells good and you sort of feel like you actually cooked something even though the total effort involved in this is five minutes of standing in the kitchen feeding the cat turkey scraps. It's like a lazy girls Cuban.

I suppose you could add things like tomato and stuff, but those are things that spoil, and therefore have no place in my fridge.

So I'm feeling better, I've been resourceful, I've got some Fred and Ginger movies saved, and Top Chef is tonight. I've also gone around my house and done everything I could to eliminate any smell of any sort, just in case. Cause it sucks to clean the kitty litter when you're vomiting in your mouth. I think I might just start mounting the litter box in the window. I wonder how hard it would be to build something like that?

And apparently I was not the only one trying to use up everything useful in the cupboards today.
Midwestgrrl gives you the pantry rundown.

We are the cause of Global Warming, at least for most of June and all of July.

Here are the things I like about the Fourth of July:

1) blowing things up
2) permission to make exceptionally loud noises late into the night
3) drinking
4) opportunities to take zombies pictures
5) watching otherwise grown people act like kids at Christmas who cannot wait to open the package and blow up all the cool ones.

Here is what I hate about the Fourth of July:

1) freedom

Last Sunday, Marty gave me an awesome painting of a unicorn for my birthday, and Rebecca made me strawberry pie, and then we all gave ourselves future cancer by running around in chemically laced gunpowder clouds for no real reason.

We also made sandwiches, which were pretty good. And drank cherry limeade. And had a paint-off. Because everything can be made an -off. The subject was bathrooms. Rebecca painted a polka dot Dali dream of flying toilets. I had cockroaches on my mind. Marty scanned it for me and then sent me a trick email designed to make me see God in the 0s and 1s. I don't open emails from Buddhists!


The Macedonia

Ingredients:

-ciabatta rolls
-mozzarella, sliced
-washed baby spinach leaves
-sliced tomatoes
-2 large portabello caps
-1/4 cup fresh chopped basil
-garlic powder
-onion powder
-oregano
-olive oil
-soy sauce
-worchestire
-paprika

First slice the tomatoes and cheese, and marinate them at room temperature with the basil, olive oil, garlic, onion, oregano, and S&P. All measurements to taste.

Slice the portabellos and marinate them in the soy sauce, worchestire, paprika, and garlic. If there's anything else in there that Marty snuck in, I don't know it. This isn't exactly a science as you can see. Leave for about twenty minutes. Have a drink. Blow up some smoke bombs.

Wash the spinach and set aside.
Saute the portabellos.
Stack everything together. Voila. The cheese should get a little melty from being on the counter and then having the hot mushrooms on top. The tomatoes should remind you that at some point in your life you are going to have to try growing the damn things (after all, you're thirty and you have a cat, what are you waiting for). And after you eat it, you should be completely stuffed and incapable of doing anything more than flicking a bic and watching Green Porno in the basement.