The Many Uses of Vinegar

1. Vinegar prolongs the life of cut flowers. Need them to remind you of the one thing he gave you before he sliced up your heart and fed it to your dog? Just mix 2 tbsp vinegar with 3 tbsp sugar for every one quart of warm water.

2. Vinegar will kill those pesky weeds. Spray full strength on growth till the plants starve to death. Also works on high-school football fields without leaving those tell-tale lime traces.

3. Grow azaleas. Mix 1 tbsp vinegar into water. Azaleas love acidic soil.

4. Eliminate urine, feces, and vomit stains. Blot up the urine, flush with warm water, and apply equal parts vinegar and water to stain. May not work on blood. Neccesarily.

5. Vinegar will keep cats away. Simply sprinkle on area you wish them to discourage cats from walking on or sleeping on. Bet Michelle Pfeiffer wishes she had known this one.

6. Keep chickens from pecking each other. Add cider vinegar to their drinking water. A stressed hen does not lay eggs.

7. College girls, dampen your appetites! Sprinkle vinegar on prepared food to take that pesky edge off!

8. Ever drop popcorn butter on your new boots? Take grease off suede by dipping a toothbrush in vinegar and brushing the stain. Note: Does not work on I Can't Believe Its Not Butter. Or semen.

9. Told your boyfriend you quit smoking, but can't stop because of your overwhelming depression? Get the smoke smell out of your clothes by adding a cup of vinegar to a hot bath, then slit your wrists. No, just kidding. Hang your clothes over the steam.

10. If you're stuck on the African Savannah with only rotting zebra leftovers to sustain you, don't worry. Marinating meat in vinegar will kill bacteria and tenderize it. If that doesn't work, it also cures bacterial dysentery.

11. Fool your roommates for a laugh! Turn milk into buttermilk by adding a tsp of vinegar for every cup, and let sit for five minutes. Also good for office meetings.

12. Turn that dead raccoon into an entertaining and educational toy for the kids. Soak the bones in vinegar for three days. The bones turn into rubber, you supply the rubber cement.

13. Deodorize a room by leaving a bowl of vinegar out. When guests ask about smell, tell them about how vinegar was created when some Roman spoiled his wine and was too cheap to get something else for his guests.

14. Drinking vinegar will, unfortunately, not give you a miscarriage.

15. Vinegar can be used as a bloodthinner for diabetics.

16. Vinegar can help erections.

17. Vinegar can cure nail fungus.

18. Vinegar helps hemmoroids.

19. Vinegar regulates profuse menstrual bleeding.

20. Vinegar can also cure these common ailments:
Common cold
Indigestion
Viral hepatitis
Arteriosclerosis
Angina Pectoris
Vaginal Itching
Boils
Warts (flat and common)
Corns
Hives
Psoriasis
Herpes
Thyroid swelling
Obesity
Headaches
Insomnia
Night Sweats
Mouth Sores
Gingivitis
Uterine bleeding
Hair Loss
Sweaty Feet

In Conclusion: Vinegar Saves you Money! Vinegar Saves You Time! Vinegar Helps You Lose Weight! Vinegar Is Safe!