Avocado Honeydew Milkshake

Prequel: Yes, I know, like 30 of you have stumbled across this site looking for that milkshake he made on Iron Chef. I'm sorry. All because I mentioned the damn thing in a post about other avocado delights. I know you, like me, just wanted some guidance. You kinda know how to maybe do it, but you want to know if there's any special trick or proportion or secret magical Iron Chef ingredient. It looked so impossibly good at the judges table, right?

What's even worse is that I am planning on making one tonight, and when I tried to google recipes, my own damn site kept coming up. That's ironic and unpleasant.

I've been all about avocados recently, thanks to an Iron Chef, Smitten Kitchen, and the fact that Marty and Rebecca have a countertop that spontaneously creates bags of avocados. It's a special kind of granite. So I've wanted to make this damn milkshake for like a week. But I had no idea really how to.

So the first attempt was 1 avocado, 1 half a honeydew, and about a cup of vanilla soy milk. Add some ice. Blend.



It was not good.

It was actively bland, like, a combination of flavors determined to suck out any flavor you might have had on your tongue in the past or the future.

So we added some cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla extract, and some more soy milk. Which made it palatable. The cinnamon and nutmeg were perfect, it made it like an eggnog. But neither the honeydew or the avocado sang at all, or even hummed. It was green watery mud. Rebecca covered it with whipped cream, which was awfully pretty, but everyone just ate the whipped cream and stopped. I mean, I liked it well enough. I drank two glasses. Marty drank his. Allison pecked at hers. Rebecca full on stopped.



So here's what we're going to do next.

-2 avocado
-2 cup honeydew
-1 cup vanilla ice cream
-1 banana
- cinnamon
-nutmeg

I mean, that will serve like 6 people. But I think the proportions will be better. The soy milk really didn't contribute anything and I hate adding ice because then it just becomes water. Ice cream is definitely key.

I'll let you know. I mean, my motivation is a little low right now.

The Long End of the Summer, or How Avocados Will Cure Us All

Alli came back from the wars*, so today I recruited her to drive around East Cleveland with me, getting reacquainted with the home defenses so to speak. Then I took her to Tremont and blew her mind with condos. Condos condos everywhere, and not a drop of taste to spare. She's been gone for ten years. Do you remember Tremont ten years ago? When we used to live there and rent was cheap(er) and everyone drank beyond their means? She actually said, "but the projects are still down there, right?" Oh honey. Next we drove by the new old middle school, and her head exploded over my upholstery. We glued it back together with some episodes of 30 Rock, Iron Chef, and Mad Men. Oh TV, what did poor people do before you? Oh right, they fucked like bunnies and went to bed by 7.

On Iron Chef, the challenger made this avocado honeydew milkshake that 1)made me salivate like a 12 yr old at a Jonas Bros concert and 2) reminded me I wanted to share these two recipes with you.



Recipe One: Roasted Carrot and Avocados
(from Smitten Kitchen)

Are you ready for the simplest best dish ever? Alright here, do this.

- preheat the oven to 400
- chunk the carrots
- douse them with olive oil, cumin, salt and pepper (to taste)
- roast them for about 30 minutes
- toss them with avocado chunks, and drizzle with fresh lemon

This dish is so ridiculously simple, I felt embarrassed making it, like it was TOO simple. But it's so good. The carrots are sweet and salty, and the avocado buttery, and the cumin adds just enough to elevate this beyond what it looks like. Though, I don't know, I think it looks pretty good too.

Recipe 2: Bobby Flay's Crunchy Avocado Salad

Ingredients:
-3 ripe avocadoes
-2 big tomatoes
- 1 can chickpeas, drained and rinse a few times
- 1/2 cup chopped olives
- 1 tbsp smoked paprika
- 1 tbsp cumin
- 1/4 cup olive oil
- 1/4 cup white vinegar (his recipe calls for champagne vinegar)
- Salt and pepper to taste
- crumbled corn chips

When I went to grocery store to get stuff to make this for work, I was pissed off by two things. One, there were no blue corn chips to be found. At Giant Eagle. Fail. Two, there was no champagne vinegar or white wine vinegar, not even the expensive brands. Only plain old white vinegar. So I had to compromise. I was very put out. Saying something used champagne vinegar versus white vinegar is like saying, well, I can't think of an appropriate metaphor. But it's not the same.

So I made do. But I used too many olives, so I cut those down above too. I used so many, it kinda looked like my salad was covered with dirt.

Basically just chop everything, mix everything, and then add the corn chips at the end so they don't get soggy.

Brownies do not magically appear as a byproduct, they must be made by a co-worker. And you must eat three of them for breakfast. That's the new rule.



Avocados prove that dinosaur eggs are good for you. They are Nature trying to tell you that animal fats are bad, and you should just eat weird ugly fruit and fish all the time. Unfortunately, fish do not taste like avocados. So I'm only going to be able to commit halfway there. Anyway, go eat some.

Next week, avocado milkshakes for schizzle.



*metaphorically speaking.